Cap’n Cranky’s Week 7 Picks
Jets at Patriots
For their only win thus far this year, the Jets edged out the 0-5 Raiders by a score of 19-14. When your only win is against an 0-fer team and you’re playing on a Thursday, you’re pretty well fucked.
Patriots 34, Jets 17.
Falcons at Ravens
Falcons are soft. Sort of like the Steelers.
Ravens 38, Falcons 13.
Titans at Washington
Question is not which team is better, but rather which team is worse. Hard to say.
Native Americans 20, Titans 17
Seahawks at Rams
Well, well, the Seahawks are human. They’ll want to take that out on someone, but Jeff Fisher won’t hear of it. Because he has no ears.
Seahawks 31, Rams 20
Browns at Jaguars
The Steelers barely wheezed past the Jags.
Browns 34, Jaguars 13
Bengals at Colts
Bengals may be the best AFCN team on paper, but how could they tie -- TIE! – a Panthers team that the Ravens beat the hell out of, and even the Steelers had their way with?
Colts 31, Bengals 17
Vikings at Bills
Bills should be able to pressure Bridgewater and stuff the run.
Bills 27, Vikings 16
Dolphins at Bears
Dolphins had the Packers dead to rights. On the road, but against an inconsistent Bears team. Should be close.
Dolphins 20, Bears 17
Saints at Lions
Saints are another soft team. They’re lucky Megatron is gimpy, but not so lucky to be facing that Lions pass rush. Saints smell off this year.
Lions 33, Saints 23
Panthers at Packers
Panthers are getting healthy, and Packers are without their starting corners. Packers not dominant, but did rally to beat the Dolphins. Possible upset here.
Panthers 28, Packers 24
Chiefs at Chargers
Chargers one of three teams (also Ravens, Lions) to have not allowed 100 points in 6 games. Also, Rivers is playing lights out.
Chargers 31, Chiefs 20
Cardinals at Raiders
Bruce Arians’s Cardinals lead the division. Not the Niners. Not the Seahawks. The Cards. Given the injuries the Cards have had, that’s no mean feat.
Cardinals 23, Raiders 20
Giants at Cowboys
Unless Romo really fucks this up…
Cowboys 31, Giants 17
49ers at Broncos
Manning against good defenses, not so good.
Niners 27, Broncos 23
Texans at Steelers
Parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus
After 6 games last year, the Steelers were 2-4. This year, 3-3. Consider me thrilled.
Down the stretch last year, the offense notched 9 straight games where it scored 20 points or more (and the three games before that scored 19, 19, and 18). This year’s model, the one that was supposed to carry the defense, has done that exactly twice in six shows.
Going by W-L-W-L-W-L, the logical assumption would be W, right? Big MNF tilt at home, right? Rally the troops, unleash hell, right? Well, I hope you enjoyed the easy part of the schedule, because I’m seeing three losses: Texans, Colts, Ravens. After that, who knows, Jets, Titans, and a bye week may signal this team starting to improve. Until then, the offense is out of synch, Ben gets wrapped up in the pocket when his OL crumples like wet newspaper, the stats are all between the 20s, and we keep racking up penalties. I can see us taking the kickoff and using a timeout before the first snap. Great coaching, great everything.
Defense, they’re rebuilding. They have parts, but the only teams they shut down were a godawful Jaguars team, as yet winless, and a legless Panthers squad. They’re not exactly striking fear into opposing teams, just their own fans.
Texans 30, Steelers 10; Watt 4 sacks