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Author Topic: Tomlin, Arians, Oline have copped it. Why not WIZ  (Read 2406 times)
Finnegans Wake
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« Reply #20 on: Dec 20, 2007 at 09:00 »

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This reminds me of a leaflet a buddy of mine brought home from spring break when I was in college.  The lealets were sprinkled all over the local mall.

It was a long harangue that some old guy typed up claiming such nonsense that Robert S. McNamara and executives at Warner Brothers had "drawn up storyboards" that proved that "age regression IS factual," and another nonsensical factoids.

We had a good laugh trying to make sense of the bent logic of all the guy's mad rantings and idiotic graphs. Sure enough, a few months later the old guy showed up at the mall with a gun, and there was a big stand off.

I hope this new "postal" poster isn't local.
Well, Mr. Smarty Pants, it was McNamara and the folks at Disney, and it wasn't just age regression, it was cryogenics and neurological regeneration.  And it IS factual.  The only reason I was at the mall with a gun was because those bastards at Hickory Farms shorted me a smoked sausage in the holiday gift pack I bought ON PURPOSE and I can prove it, because the indentation in the plastic grass filler was ther where the sausage was supposed to be and the shrink wrap was clearly sliced open and resealed with Scotch tape and I remember the guy who sold it pulled it from some back stock, replacing the one I selected from the case, and his name was Franny, some goddamn dope smoking hippy bastard kid with the patchouli and the tye dye shirt and the greasy hair and some Rastafarian hat and Birkenstocks, and I wanted to teach that motherfucker a lesson about PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY, I remember laughing and chewing something that sure smelled like smoked sausage as I handed him my money.  That gift was for my ELDERLY MOTHER and that son of a bitch literally took the food out of her mouth, well, she died that winter while I was spending some time in my enforced vacation.  

Got out early on good behavior, but I spent my time wisely, and I got more evidence -- EVIDENCE!!! -- that McNamara and the Disney folks wanted to see about preserving Walt Disney and JFK cryogenically, and this isn't science fiction, people, this is SCIENCE FACT.  In order to do that they needed AGE REGRESSION TECHNOLOGY, and this is where the Trilateral Comission comes into play.  Was it their greatest success or their greatest failure to involve the Trilateral people, we may never know.  The FACT is that this technology went from SECRET to UNKNOWN in a matter of weeks.  I personally have recorded testimony from people whose names I cannot name attesting to this FACT, but there were some scientists who worked on the project, whose codename was Merlin due to the legend that Merlin aged backwards, who later stepped out of the shadows to give us hints as to how AGE REGRESSION actually works.  Since these scientists worked in a partitioned environment, none of them actually saw the entire process and hence can only describe a certain portion of the overall process, but the procedure has been perfected and was tested on Richard Milhouse Nixon's good friend and "mysteriously demised" performer Elvis Aron Presley.  Rumors of Elvis's being alive exist FOR A REASON, and that reason is that Elvis never died.  Elvis agreed to undergo age regression therapy due to his addiction to prescription drugs, his obesity, and generally poor health; also, Nixon wanted to ensure that he would always have access to the King of Rock and Roll's music for as long as he was alive.  

What Elvis didn't grasp was that he was basically entering the witness protection program, and the CIA has had a special team assigned to ensure that Elvis's identity is never revealed.  He now has the appearance and vitality of a 23-year-old, and it is rumored although unconfirmed that he may be training for the summer Olympics as a swimmer.  If you recall Johnny Weismuller, who played Tarzan on TV, was an Olympic swimmer and medal winner, so the idea is not so far fetched.  Another entertainer you may recall is Lawrence Welk, who quote unquote passed away in 1987 at the age of 84, but then "miraculously" was sent to a top-secret facility where he was given the first successful cryogenic-age regression combination therapy.  He later began making public appearances, though he remained guarded and private, and references to his death were swiftly removed from the press and all documentation "mysteriously" destroyed (CIA?).  Welk died for good in 1992 at the age of 89, thus proving that someone at the END of life can add 5 years to their lifespan, and Elvis who was 42 is now 72, this adding 30 years to someone who undergoes age regressionat midlife.  

We can assume that, just as technology in everything from solar cells to personal computers to telephones has gotten dramatically better, so has the technology of age regression.  Dick Cheney would have died years ago if it weren't for Bush Sr.'s connections within the CIA, since our current President has burned his bridges with the intelligence agencies.  It would not surprise me if Bush Sr. lives to be 147, although he would probably need to drop out of the public limelight, and his son only half that.  We can reasonably extrapolate Elvis to live to well over 200 (my current estimates are that he will live until the year 2149).  There is an enzyme in raisins that produces enough of an electrical current under the proper conditions that it can spontaneously produce an aurora effect seen suing Kirlian photography.  This enzyme has powerful age-regressing properties.  Why is no one coming forth with this information?  The CIA will kill them, just as they tried to kill me while in prison.  I was able to survive by assuming clever disguises and aliases.

The raisin enzyme can be produced at home using a fermented bath of rye flour and yeasts, into which a voltmeter is inserted so that after several weeks the electrical charge can be measured and the distilled liquid filtered for consumption.  Laboratory synthetics produce a substance a thousand times more potent; this is what Elvis lives on.  There are at least 12 known components in all, including biofeedback monitoring and mineral chelation.  Also, it is well known that alien viruses, whether from extraterrestrial visitors or from meteorites that have invaded our planet for centuries, have brought all pestilence and disease known to man.  To the Greeks, this was Pandora's box; in the Bible, it is the Fall from the Garden of Eden.  At one time, people lived to be hundreds of years old, like Methuselah.  As the alien viruses and foreign elements (ask yourself where all this "radon" in our basements REALLY comes from!) began to lower human lifespan all the way to less than half a century, it rebounded within the last century only through scientific advances and modern medicine.

YET people are reluctant to embrace the science of age regression even with the proof very plainly before their eyes.  If only the puzzle pieces were not incomplete, hidden by secret government forces (who we pay TAXES to, for the purpose of WORKING FOR US, not AGAINST US).  These are the same folks who barrage us with confusing electronic signals via radio, cell phone towers (through the very cell phones that give you BRAIN CANCER people), through the televisions, and through satellites.  Foil hats are useless to protect you.  The only method to combat this menace is to regrow the brain cells that the government is killing every day, through the special diet that one of the escaped scientists attempted to tell the world about (his pamplet titled "Eat Calcium Tablets to Protect Your Brain and Grow it Back by Eating Animal Brains" was quickly destroyed, just like the evidence of Lawrence Welk's first death) before he was involved in a mysterious accident where he drove his van into a river.  The unconfirmed report was that he was handcuffed to the driver's seat and drowned, although how he suffered wounds to the head that resembled those delivered by a monkey wrench was never addressed in the coroner's report.

I have been eating the brains of small animals for years now, primarily squirrels as they are plentiful, cow brains that can be bought in the store, and also the brains of fresh roadkill if it has not yet accumulated maggots.  I have never been smarter or felt more alive.  I eat 60 Tums per week as a protective maintenance, and I have a home artificial tanning room where I expose my skin (the body's largest organ) to as much POWER and ENERGY as I can, in addition to wiring a car battery via transformer (to retain a safe voltage level) to various parts of my body (including the testicles) to ensure that the life-energy is in POSITIVE flow rather than the NEGATIVE flow most individuals experience.  This is why most people feel that they "need to recharge their batteries" or they "feel worn down" and eventually lose energy and die.  Also their brains are scrambled from the government and they get Alzheimers.  Walt Disney was successfully revived in the late 1990s due to technological advances, however the cryogenics had failed him and his brain had deteriorated to the point that he was an utter retard.  The Disney keepers then had the decision of whether to put him down or to re-freeze him, and the outcome is not known as the secret facility went into double-secret lockdown.  It is rumored that JFK was unsalvageable and Nixon hated him anyway, so since Nixon had the age regenerist scientists in his pocket the JFK remains were fed to sharks by Frank Sinatra on a fishing trip off the shore of Nassau.

The POINT is that no matter what stage of life you are in there is the capability for EACH of us to regress.  If near dying, we may squeeze a few years out of the reaper's GRASP.  If adminstered at mid-life, a lifespan of several hundred years may be conceivable.  If age regression is adminstered to ALL AMERICANS as part of a NON-SECRET program when the government SHOWS its hand, and stops HIDING the truth, and ceases its bombardment of our brains with toxic SINUSOIDAL electromagnetic wave-forms, we can fix the SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM and end hunger as we know it today.  WHY the government refuses to do this has not been addressed by a SINGLE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE, and you may ask why.  Well once the secret to this is uncorked, then all the secrets are out, the entire conspiracy comes crashing down, and the powers that be want to remain the powers that be, so it will NEVER happen.  
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Finnegans Wake
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« Reply #21 on: Dec 20, 2007 at 09:01 »

I think I may have outdone timmons=lloyd.  I have no idea what I just typed.
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KeystoneKC
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« Reply #22 on: Dec 20, 2007 at 11:09 »

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...I have no idea what I just typed.
Neither do I, But I've got a sudden hankering for a raisin enzyme using a fermented bath of rye flour and yeasts.  Can ya get them with those little paper umbrellas in 'em?
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« Reply #23 on: Dec 20, 2007 at 11:22 »

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I think I may have outdone timmons=lloyd. I have no idea what I just typed.

After reading the post by timmons=lloyd, I can only quote the Geico Caveman:

"Uh...WHAT???"
 
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« Reply #24 on: Dec 20, 2007 at 11:52 »

Good lawd, if Mrs. Finny gets a copy of that post and obtains expert medical and legal advice, you're going to be spending the rest of your years permanently hooked up to a Ritalin filled intervenous thingamabob.

Funny as shiite, though.
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whitmer_87
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« Reply #25 on: Dec 20, 2007 at 16:17 »

DID YOU GUYS NOW THAT IF YOU USE ALL CAPS IT ENHANCED WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY? IT REALLY SHOWS THAT YOU'RE SERIOUS! WHO NEEDS BANG POLES WHEN YOU HAVE CAPS?



...what a fucking dolt. My biggest problem is that he actually sat there and typed all that shit out. Whether he is a troll or he actually believes that, he spent a good couple hours typing that garbage. What a loser.

Here is some advice:

Hey Biff, get a fucking life!
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steelerfaninCO
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« Reply #26 on: Dec 20, 2007 at 17:18 »

Quote
Quote
This reminds me of a leaflet a buddy of mine brought home from spring break when I was in college.  The lealets were sprinkled all over the local mall.

It was a long harangue that some old guy typed up claiming such nonsense that Robert S. McNamara and executives at Warner Brothers had "drawn up storyboards" that proved that "age regression IS factual," and another nonsensical factoids.

We had a good laugh trying to make sense of the bent logic of all the guy's mad rantings and idiotic graphs. Sure enough, a few months later the old guy showed up at the mall with a gun, and there was a big stand off.

I hope this new "postal" poster isn't local.
Well, Mr. Smarty Pants, it was McNamara and the folks at Disney, and it wasn't just age regression, it was cryogenics and neurological regeneration.  And it IS factual.  The only reason I was at the mall with a gun was because those bastards at Hickory Farms shorted me a smoked sausage in the holiday gift pack I bought ON PURPOSE and I can prove it, because the indentation in the plastic grass filler was ther where the sausage was supposed to be and the shrink wrap was clearly sliced open and resealed with Scotch tape and I remember the guy who sold it pulled it from some back stock, replacing the one I selected from the case, and his name was Franny, some goddamn dope smoking hippy bastard kid with the patchouli and the tye dye shirt and the greasy hair and some Rastafarian hat and Birkenstocks, and I wanted to teach that motherfucker a lesson about PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY, I remember laughing and chewing something that sure smelled like smoked sausage as I handed him my money.  That gift was for my ELDERLY MOTHER and that son of a bitch literally took the food out of her mouth, well, she died that winter while I was spending some time in my enforced vacation.  

Got out early on good behavior, but I spent my time wisely, and I got more evidence -- EVIDENCE!!! -- that McNamara and the Disney folks wanted to see about preserving Walt Disney and JFK cryogenically, and this isn't science fiction, people, this is SCIENCE FACT.  In order to do that they needed AGE REGRESSION TECHNOLOGY, and this is where the Trilateral Comission comes into play.  Was it their greatest success or their greatest failure to involve the Trilateral people, we may never know.  The FACT is that this technology went from SECRET to UNKNOWN in a matter of weeks.  I personally have recorded testimony from people whose names I cannot name attesting to this FACT, but there were some scientists who worked on the project, whose codename was Merlin due to the legend that Merlin aged backwards, who later stepped out of the shadows to give us hints as to how AGE REGRESSION actually works.  Since these scientists worked in a partitioned environment, none of them actually saw the entire process and hence can only describe a certain portion of the overall process, but the procedure has been perfected and was tested on Richard Milhouse Nixon's good friend and "mysteriously demised" performer Elvis Aron Presley.  Rumors of Elvis's being alive exist FOR A REASON, and that reason is that Elvis never died.  Elvis agreed to undergo age regression therapy due to his addiction to prescription drugs, his obesity, and generally poor health; also, Nixon wanted to ensure that he would always have access to the King of Rock and Roll's music for as long as he was alive.  

What Elvis didn't grasp was that he was basically entering the witness protection program, and the CIA has had a special team assigned to ensure that Elvis's identity is never revealed.  He now has the appearance and vitality of a 23-year-old, and it is rumored although unconfirmed that he may be training for the summer Olympics as a swimmer.  If you recall Johnny Weismuller, who played Tarzan on TV, was an Olympic swimmer and medal winner, so the idea is not so far fetched.  Another entertainer you may recall is Lawrence Welk, who quote unquote passed away in 1987 at the age of 84, but then "miraculously" was sent to a top-secret facility where he was given the first successful cryogenic-age regression combination therapy.  He later began making public appearances, though he remained guarded and private, and references to his death were swiftly removed from the press and all documentation "mysteriously" destroyed (CIA?).  Welk died for good in 1992 at the age of 89, thus proving that someone at the END of life can add 5 years to their lifespan, and Elvis who was 42 is now 72, this adding 30 years to someone who undergoes age regressionat midlife.  

We can assume that, just as technology in everything from solar cells to personal computers to telephones has gotten dramatically better, so has the technology of age regression.  Dick Cheney would have died years ago if it weren't for Bush Sr.'s connections within the CIA, since our current President has burned his bridges with the intelligence agencies.  It would not surprise me if Bush Sr. lives to be 147, although he would probably need to drop out of the public limelight, and his son only half that.  We can reasonably extrapolate Elvis to live to well over 200 (my current estimates are that he will live until the year 2149).  There is an enzyme in raisins that produces enough of an electrical current under the proper conditions that it can spontaneously produce an aurora effect seen suing Kirlian photography.  This enzyme has powerful age-regressing properties.  Why is no one coming forth with this information?  The CIA will kill them, just as they tried to kill me while in prison.  I was able to survive by assuming clever disguises and aliases.

The raisin enzyme can be produced at home using a fermented bath of rye flour and yeasts, into which a voltmeter is inserted so that after several weeks the electrical charge can be measured and the distilled liquid filtered for consumption.  Laboratory synthetics produce a substance a thousand times more potent; this is what Elvis lives on.  There are at least 12 known components in all, including biofeedback monitoring and mineral chelation.  Also, it is well known that alien viruses, whether from extraterrestrial visitors or from meteorites that have invaded our planet for centuries, have brought all pestilence and disease known to man.  To the Greeks, this was Pandora's box; in the Bible, it is the Fall from the Garden of Eden.  At one time, people lived to be hundreds of years old, like Methuselah.  As the alien viruses and foreign elements (ask yourself where all this "radon" in our basements REALLY comes from!) began to lower human lifespan all the way to less than half a century, it rebounded within the last century only through scientific advances and modern medicine.

YET people are reluctant to embrace the science of age regression even with the proof very plainly before their eyes.  If only the puzzle pieces were not incomplete, hidden by secret government forces (who we pay TAXES to, for the purpose of WORKING FOR US, not AGAINST US).  These are the same folks who barrage us with confusing electronic signals via radio, cell phone towers (through the very cell phones that give you BRAIN CANCER people), through the televisions, and through satellites.  Foil hats are useless to protect you.  The only method to combat this menace is to regrow the brain cells that the government is killing every day, through the special diet that one of the escaped scientists attempted to tell the world about (his pamplet titled "Eat Calcium Tablets to Protect Your Brain and Grow it Back by Eating Animal Brains" was quickly destroyed, just like the evidence of Lawrence Welk's first death) before he was involved in a mysterious accident where he drove his van into a river.  The unconfirmed report was that he was handcuffed to the driver's seat and drowned, although how he suffered wounds to the head that resembled those delivered by a monkey wrench was never addressed in the coroner's report.

I have been eating the brains of small animals for years now, primarily squirrels as they are plentiful, cow brains that can be bought in the store, and also the brains of fresh roadkill if it has not yet accumulated maggots.  I have never been smarter or felt more alive.  I eat 60 Tums per week as a protective maintenance, and I have a home artificial tanning room where I expose my skin (the body's largest organ) to as much POWER and ENERGY as I can, in addition to wiring a car battery via transformer (to retain a safe voltage level) to various parts of my body (including the testicles) to ensure that the life-energy is in POSITIVE flow rather than the NEGATIVE flow most individuals experience.  This is why most people feel that they "need to recharge their batteries" or they "feel worn down" and eventually lose energy and die.  Also their brains are scrambled from the government and they get Alzheimers.  Walt Disney was successfully revived in the late 1990s due to technological advances, however the cryogenics had failed him and his brain had deteriorated to the point that he was an utter retard.  The Disney keepers then had the decision of whether to put him down or to re-freeze him, and the outcome is not known as the secret facility went into double-secret lockdown.  It is rumored that JFK was unsalvageable and Nixon hated him anyway, so since Nixon had the age regenerist scientists in his pocket the JFK remains were fed to sharks by Frank Sinatra on a fishing trip off the shore of Nassau.

The POINT is that no matter what stage of life you are in there is the capability for EACH of us to regress.  If near dying, we may squeeze a few years out of the reaper's GRASP.  If adminstered at mid-life, a lifespan of several hundred years may be conceivable.  If age regression is adminstered to ALL AMERICANS as part of a NON-SECRET program when the government SHOWS its hand, and stops HIDING the truth, and ceases its bombardment of our brains with toxic SINUSOIDAL electromagnetic wave-forms, we can fix the SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM and end hunger as we know it today.  WHY the government refuses to do this has not been addressed by a SINGLE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE, and you may ask why.  Well once the secret to this is uncorked, then all the secrets are out, the entire conspiracy comes crashing down, and the powers that be want to remain the powers that be, so it will NEVER happen.
Pure genius....... in a Karl Pilkington sort of way..
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Finnegans Wake
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« Reply #27 on: Dec 21, 2007 at 15:42 »

I wonder if people would buy a book-length version of this shit.  Maybe I can invent a Pilkington type persona?  
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pensodyssey
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« Reply #28 on: Dec 21, 2007 at 15:44 »

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I wonder if people would buy a book-length version of this shit.  Maybe I can invent a Pilkington type persona?
Would you really want to write a book length version of that?

Just sayin'.  
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jonzr
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« Reply #29 on: Dec 21, 2007 at 18:23 »

Finny, that was greatness.  And are you absolutely SURE the foil hats don't work?  That sucks.
« Last Edit: Dec 21, 2007 at 18:23 by jonzr » Logged

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