Simon says, Brett Favre is playing golf.

[Finnegans Wake]

Simon says, Brett Favre is denying comeback rumors.  Simon says, Brett Favre had two sausage and egg McMuffins for breakfast.  Brett Facre kills bunnies.  Simon says, Brett Favre is considering a few beers after he's done with golf.  Simon says, Brett Favre will have his beers at the country club.  Brett Favre will announce he wants released from the Packers so he can play for another team this year.  Simon says, Brett Favre just farted.  Simon says, Brett shaved two strokes off his score.  Brett Favre just slugged his caddie.  Simon says, Brett Favre is on his cellie with the wife.  Brett Favre just called her a whore.  Simon says, Brett Favre has ordered a lite beer and a turkey club, light mayo.  Brett Favre flicked a boogie at another diner.  Simon says...



Me personally, I wish Favre would go on an around-the-world vacation that lasts until the playoffs.  

[pensodyssey]

Finny, what's Brett Favre up to these days?

[Finnegans Wake]

Brett Goes to McDonald's

McDonald's Worker, via intercom: "--elcome to McDonald's may I take your order."

BF: "Yeah, this is Brett Favre."

MW: "--ay I take your order."

BF: "Yeah, I'll, uh, have one of them, uh, Quarter Pounder value meals, I guess."

MW: "--ould you like to drink with that."

BF: "Awww, I dunno, gimme an orange.  No, you got Mr. Pibb?"

MW: "--o Mr. Pibb."

BF: "Royal Crown?"

MW:  "--ust what's on the board, sir."

BF:  "All right, gimme an orange.  And throw in an extra fish sandwich."

MW: "--ould you like to super size your value meal sir."

BF:  "Naw, I'm not playin' any more, so I gotta watch my waist.  This is Brett Favre, by the way."

MW: "--at's one Quarter Pounder value meal, orange soda, and one fish sandwich.  That's $8.32, please pull up to the first window."

BF:  "All right."

McDonald's Worker named Lateesha, at first window:  "$8.32."

BF:  [Reaching for wallet.]  "Hey young lady, I'm Brett Favre."

Lateesha: [Blank stare.]  [To co-worker:] "Dre, if you don't stop snappin' my butt."  [To Brett. rolling eyes:] "$8.32"

BF: "Hey, I changed my mind, I want to super size that, and gimme a Sprite insteada that orange."

Lateesha:  [Slams little window shut.]

Guy in Ford F-150 behind Brett:  "Come on, buddy, what the fuck are you doin' up there?"

BF: "Hey, shut the fuck up, I'm Brett Favre."

Ford Guy: "No shit, you are, too!"

BF: "I just decided to super size."

Ford Guy: "You lost me $50 in that Eagles playoff, how bout you buy me lunch?"

BF: "How about I eat your lunch and cup a fart your way?"

Lateesha: "$9.64."

BF:  "Hang on, honey, I got the change here, somewhere."

Ford Guy: "Hey Brett, I was kiddin' about you buyin' lunch.  I'm your biggest fan!"

BF: [To Lateesha:] "I'm Brett Favre.  I... I always get recognized."

Lateesha: "I need another 10 cent."

BF:  "I thought I gave it to ya."

Lateesha:  [Stares blankly.]

BF: "Oh, all right then."

Lateesha: "Pull up to the next window ple--" [Slams little window shut.]

McDonald's Worker named Lane, at second window:  "Here's your oran--  Oh my God, are you--?"

BF: "Yeah, I'm Brett Favre.  And I switched that to Sprite, young man."

Lane: "Oh, I thought you were Glenn Beck."  [Hands Brett orange anyway, slams little window shut.]

BF: [To family crossing in front of truck:]  "Hi folks, I'm Brett Favre."

[Family looks his way, walks to car.]

Lane: "Quarter Pounder value meal and fish sandwich, Mr. Beck."

BF: "I'm Brett Favre, kid.  Is that super sized?"

Lane:  "Yeah."

BF: "No it ain't."

Lane: "Did you order super sized?"

BF: "No, but I changed it to super sized back there with Shaneeqa."

[Lane takes back bag.]

Ford Guy:  "Hey, can I get your picture?"

BF: "Sure."  [Crosses eyes.  Guy snaps pic with cell.]  

Ford Guy: "Woo hoo, I got Brett Favre's picture!"

[Lane hands bag out the window.]

Lane:  "Quarter Pounder value, super sized."

BF: "My fish sandwich in there?"

Lane: "Yeah."

BF:  "No it ain't.  Don't lie to me, boy, I'm Brett  Fa-- oh yeah, here it is."

[Lane slams little window shut.  Brett drives around to front, gets out of truck with rumbled bag in hand, pushes up to front of line at counter.]

BF: "'Scuse me... 'scuse me... Brett Favre, comin' through...  'Scuse me... Brett Favre..."

McDonald's worker named Ravi at checkout:  "The line is beginning back there, sir."

BF: "I know that, kid, but listen... I'm Brett Favre..."

[Ravi stands blinking, looking to his right as if he expects to be hit in the face with a squid.]

BF: "Anyhow, that guy over there [points to Lane] gave me this, and it ain't right."

Ravi:  "You were given incorrect items?"

BF: "Well. naw, I just changed my mind.  I want a Big Mac value meal, with a chicken sandwich on the side..."

Ravi:  "Please wait, Mr. Fart, I must find my manager..."

BF:  "It ain't Fart, kid, it's Favre."

Ravi:  "Yes.  Keep waiting please, Mr. Fart!"

[Ravi explains situation to manager, a stocky woman of maybe 35 who appears to carry the responsibility of the US nuclear arsenal on her shoulders in addition to making sure the fry station kid doesn't wander off.  People shuffle out of Favre's line to other lines, cursing and mumbling, to which Favre wincingly replies "But I'm Brett Favre... FAVRE..."  Ravi's gesticulation appears to mimic a deer being gutted and turned into jerky, while the manager appears to be typing an air keyboard and speaking in Latvian.]

Manager:  "This guy here?"

Ravi:  "Yes.  Mr. Fart."

BF: "Favre."

Manager: "What?"

BF:  "Favre, with the 'r' after the 'v', Super Bowl winning quarterback?  Ring a bell?"

Manager: "Why would the 'r' be after the 'v'?  That makes no sense."

BF:  "Well it does, and why don't nobody here except that guy in the Ford know who the fuck I am?"

Ravi: "Please do not swear, Mr. Fart."

BF: "Can I just get my order changed?"

Manager:  "I'm not sure I can do that."

BF:  "Well, I'm not sure I even WANT to do that.  But I might."

Manager: "So, what are you asking me to do?"

BF:  "I know for sure that I don't want this fish sandwich.  If someone in one of these other lines wants a quick meal, I'll sell 'em my Quarter Pounder meal right here and now."  [Favre holds up the bag.]

Man with enormous bare gut hanging way down over his shorts:  "I'll give ya $5 for it."

BF:  "Come on, now.  I'm Brett Favre.  I paid ten."

Ravi:  "You live in a web of lies, Mr. Fart.  It cannot cost a penny more than $9.64 with tax included."

BF:  [Takes fish sandwich out and throws it hard into Ravi's temple, knocking him to the floor.]  "All right, I reckon it's close enough now, big boy."

Man with gut:  "Well now it ain't got the fish sammich."

BF:  [Ripping the fiver out of Man with gut's hand and thrusting the bad in the general direction of the gut.]  "Tell it to Mahatma there.  Now, you, lady, I want a Big Mac combo...  No, you know what?  I think I suddenly have a hankerin' for a Whopper..."

[msdmnr2002]

I don't even have an acronym to describe how funny that was.

[aj_law]

Yes, I forgot to post it yesterday...LSHTPICOM N!!!!!

Seriously tho, I'm really starting to question Favre's lucidity because each "statement" that's released to the public makes less and less sense; not to mention they have more contradictions than a Congressional steroid hearing.

[otismalibu]

Seriously tho, I'm really starting to question Favre's lucidity because each "statement" that's released to the public makes less and less sense; not to mention they have more contradictions than a Congressional steroid hearing.

Keep in mind we're talking about a banjo playin' southerner here.

He's probably just trying to keep his name in the headlines as he transitions to the swamp buggy racing circuit.

[jonzr]

I heard he was gonna star in an animated after school special about the dangers of huffing fermented catfish parts and bits.  Well, that and washing down one's vicodin with moonshine.

 

[Finnegans Wake]

Short scenes from the life of Brett Favre.

===========================

Deanna: Well maybe it's time to think about you really want to do with the rest of your life.
Brett:  Like... whaddya mean?  
Deanna:  That's something you have to figure out, honey.  Something like creating a charitable foundation...
Brett:  Aww, dang it Deanna, you know I don't wanna play with no retarts.

============================

Favre's Agent, James "Bus" Cook:  You can't do that, Brett.
Brett:  Oh no?  There ain't no rule sayin' I can't be quarterback of a different team every week.
Bus:  Actually, your contract would preclude that, Brett.
Brett:  I could be like a TV guest host, except I'd be the quarterback.
Bus:  Hang on, Brett.  I need to have an intelligent conversation for a second.  I'll call you back as soon as I'm done talking with the dog.

============================

Brett:  I don't know what to do, Deanna.  Should I just show up at camp?
Deanna:  I thought Ted [Packers GM Ted Thompson] said you shouldn't?
Brett:  Well, not in so many words.  He said they wouldn't let me in the facilities.  Didn't say nothin' about me just standin' around, lurkin', and makin' googley-eyes at Aaron.
Deanna:  Brett, don't be a baby.
Brett: No, don't YOU be no baby.

============================

Deanna:  Well, what do you think?  You made a decision about all this?
Brett:  I think I have, Deanna, I think I have.
Deanna: And you're OK with it?  You don't want to change your mind?
Brett: I'm pretty sure, honey, I'm pretty sure.
Deanna: And...?
Brett:  I'm thinkin' Chinese.  I want some of that sweet and sour chicken.  Man, that shit is gooo-ooo-ood...

============================

Deanna: Have you thought any more about forming a charitable organization?
Brett:  Dang it, Deanna...  The retarts... remember?
Deanna:  Brett, we've been over this...
Brett: And apparently my opinion don't matter.  Well whatever.  Go ahead and bring a busload in every day and let 'em goober around, I don't give a shit.

============================

Deanna:  Brett, honey, are you crying?
Brett:  No... no, I ain't...
Deanna:  Let's share.  Brett...?
Brett:  I was tryin' to fart the alphabet and I sharted.
Deanna: Oh my God, you need to get a life.

[Finnegans Wake]

Two reports from kffl, about as consistent as anything else in this Favre imbroglio...

NFL | Favre does not file reinstatement papers Tuesday
Tue, 29 Jul 2008 13:19:45 -0700

John Clayton, of ESPN, reports the deadline for retired QB Brett Favre to file his reinstatement papers Tuesday, July 29, has passed. The earliest Favre would likely report to camp is Thursday, July 31, if he files his paperwork Wednesday, July 30, before the 4 p.m. EST deadline.

OK, so the deadline has passed, but there's another deadline?  Then what's the point of the other deadline?  Is that the OK, I'm pretty flexible deadline, but this next one really means it?

NFL | Favre faxes reinstatement application
Tue, 29 Jul 2008 13:25:11 -0700

ESPNews reports retired QB Brett Favre faxed his reinstatement application to the commissioner's office Tuesday, July 29.

Yeah.

Whateverthefuck.

[Finnegans Wake]

JAYSUS H. MARONEY[/size], I gotta take a shit.  This is worse than fucking Costco-sized boxes of Kashi...

Packers | Favre asks to be released
Tue, 5 Aug 2008 10:38:50 -0700

The Sports Network reports Green Bay Packers QB Brett Favre has reportedly asked the team to release him. The Packers have once again denied Favre's request to talk to teams within the NFC North division about a possible trade.