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Author Topic: Go to Hell New England  (Read 754 times)
Y2Joyce
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« on: Dec 01, 2008 at 22:20 »

...in a handbasket even.

Or as you gay-marriage-achusettes know them, in a purse.

No the Steez didn't play a perfect game, and no this game wasn't against a foe firing on all cylinders, but I'll take gran satisfaccion with this effort. Totally made my weekend.

I dedicate that defensive performance to Belichick, Prisco, Dierdorf, Nantz, Crennel, Weis, Antowain Smith, the late Troy Brown, DA GR8 TIE LUWLZ, Bledsoe, Brady and every Benjarvus Green-Ellis in between. We Doug Flutie dropkicked your cheatin asses all over your home turf. Big Ben cleaned your clocks. Cheap and tainted as they must be.

Absolute shutdown performance. Matt "the Pro Bowl sleeper/convenient savior" Cassel looked much the lesser than Brady and on par with common Black and Gold punchingbags like Testaverde.

Point is they don't deserve any modicum of respect and I am willing to sign full-on tonight to support Vlad Putin in any violent takeover for the rest of those supremely ill-gotten bling.

Kraft has ton to be ashamed of. He bought out Belichick's spygate fines via a signing bonus and long-term extension. His shamelessly flamboyant association (PARTNERSHIP!) with CBS. With employment of criminals namely former face of the franchise Law, current face of the fradulent empire Belichick and his dumbass stoner son, Nick "Secret Informant" Kaczur, Willie Andrews and whomever that scumbag sunofabitch camera crew kid was that game his name and then was secretly retracted by the NE-friendly media outlets.

I could go on hating NE for the rest of my life but I'll just try to 10-point this game and get on with the rest of my Patriot-hatin-existence.

1) Patriot Province (TM someone else here) filing out like a bunch of dampened, tired, beaten-down bitchasses mid 3rd quarter. The fourth quarter was just me talking shit, Cassel turtling, and Steelers fans waving wet towels.

2) Tomlin 1. Belichick 1. Who you give the edge to moving forward? I'll take the youngest coach in pro football without the penchant for gloating, whining and defined cheating.

3) Bit of a side note: Watched the game with my dad and on one of Miller's earlier plays the old man said: "That's you, Heater"...or "Thatta Baby, Heater" or something else crazy like that. Heat. It's spreading. Would've been even more funny in retrospect had he not later called James Farrior "Fonzie". He was completely sober and old but I contend he was serious. It's Potsie, Dad.

4) Everyone cried about NE getting their higher pick this year. I defended it (came from SF, can't take away top 15 picks w/o a PA grievance getting filed, etc) . However that jabroni Mayo was a weak ass pick. Face facts. He stunk in college. Workout warrior and he would absolutely NOT play on the Steelers 08 defense. None.

5) Keyaron A. Fox: Big game for him. Recovered the first play of the game fumble (to no avail since Ben lobbed one at Vrabel). I have to ask why we're the only NFL team to go with no fullback unless it's the opening kickoff of a roadgame in monsoon in which said, slow fullback has been cut by 5 NFL teams previously then he shall be our deep man. Whaaaaat? Harry Carey needs some thicker glasses or a new career. You cannot do that shit. Luckily Keyaron was Foxy on the spot. Much like when Matthew Slater (FRRRRROOOM?!?: Bayside High School) coughed up that KO return Fox was there again. Fox. WE ARE THERE.  Shit was big.

6) Chris Hoke anhilating Randy Moss in the open field. The Patriots got into clear desperation mode and did the usual "throw to Moss at all cost". It has worked in the past many times (most notably that game @ Indy last year where they literally threw to him 8 times in a row in the 4th GW drive), even nearly in last year's Super Bowl. But this time Moss met his athletic equal in backup 3-4 nose tackle, 34 years old outta Brigham Young, Chris Badass Hoke. He catches the screen, gets the nominal block and wants to enter the middle of the pitch only Hoke is right there, doesnt bite on the shake and smacks his bitch up.

7) The reason the Patriots missed that key kick before halftime wasnt a bad snap or bad hold, wasnt bad weather conditions or bad Karma after the #24 dropped gift INT....it was because they are dumbass cheap assholes that dont know how to treat their vets. Vinatieri nails that. But he just falls in a long line of kicked to the curb to make the coaches look smart trash like Milloy, Ted "where am I?" Johnson, Troy Brown, Samuel, Woody, McGinest, Branch et al. HAHA Nice kick, loser.

Cool Lawrence Timmons got screwed out of a TD because Hochuli's lazy ass crew couldn't get down there to get a decent view of it and knew we wouldn't challenge it. I would agree young fella has to finish strong but I think he knew he'd score all along. Ed Hochuli and all the funny puns about him having muscles from retards on the computer who dont work out will lose mucho relevancy next year when he's gone. Enough about the referees. This is about our #5 LB making dominant game-sealing plays. 5th on the depth chart. Shit most teams play a toughguy up the middle that can call signals, then a go-getter that can cover on the strong side and then try to hide someone on the weakside behind a DLine where they pay big peeps. Their fourth may be like a poor-mans Keyaron Fox. And Keyaron Fox on STs all the sudden is Megan Fox to the other team's uhh chick that tried out for their football team and everyone was supposed to respect.....for the first two days before she tried out for kicker and then quit because she of acne and no kicking ability.

Anyway all I'm saying is theres only onnnnnnne Lawrence Timmons and we have him. Insanely talented. And he's a backup, yo.

9) I will be re-recording this game from a friend of mine and I swear to God I'll be sending a copy back to CBS headquarters (like I got the address) illustrating just how homeriffic the Gumbel-Deirdorf call was. Completely one-sided in the wrong direction. Those guys were depressed throughout the second half. Santonio scored late in qtr two and Gumbel said "Does he have his feet in!!??!" when it was quite clear to anyone who had seen the play that Tone had an easy peasy Hines-aint-Japanesey-he's-Korean TD. No review. No conflict. Nothin.
Plus Deirdorf kept on with his "John Mackey" and "Fran Tarkenton" nonsense. There are games every weekend, Dano. Youve been paid millions to cover them. You'd think you could charm us with a bit more recent analogies. Wow. I'm not saying everyone has to be Deion but those examples are old school. I don't need Eli Manning coming out of his shell to be compared Howdy Dooty or Plaxico's gun crimes to be something Daniel Boone did. Although they were both known clubbers.

10) 12 games up, 12 teams down. Nobody has achieved 300 legit O yards vs our Steelers all season long. Second time in NFL history that it's gone down as such (Rams from the 70s). Bring on Romo and their bigmouth WR and gimpy RBs. You think Dick LeBeau is scared. I know someone made a post earlier about Silverback being the DPOY and noted that Woodley helps him out. That's probably DL hugely true. However with LeBeau's wacky concoctions I'm not certain I can even follow who is coming, let alone who is supposed to cover for whom. Harrison has been outstanding. I think the Steelers caught a break that two-time pro bowler Matt Light was understandably suspended for this most recent game and wasnt able to contain ol' Silverback. Oooh what? He was in there? Didn't notice him at all.

Others recieving votes: A quick glimpse of the '0whatever banners in the stadium accompanied by drunken "quit livin in the past!" jive. Sammy Morris, badass runner doing nothing. Where you at Marion Barber? Take notes, bish. Somebody called into Mark Madden's show wanting the Ike Taylor hat-trick adopted: pass INT penalty, taunting penalty, dropped INT. That could have legs. How about the holding call ON Casey. He was so damn steamed when they showed him....after the next down. After that, he clubs their double team out the way and cleaned up on the ballcarrier in emphatic momentum-turnin' fashion. Hartwig did swell vs Wilfork. Miller worked his ass off. He'd get my game ball or whatever. Polamalu for DPOY. He's going to the HOF. What you want Baltimore? I bet you choke up against Portis Moss and a hugely desperate Washington and expect up to change focus.

Steelers 34....Dallas 10 (hey it's a trend?)....No answer for FWP/Mewelde/Ben

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Steelers 58-15 when I am in attendance.
leighclay
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« Reply #1 on: Dec 01, 2008 at 22:41 »

Joyce-y, that is an all-time classic post.  What are/were you on when you slammed that?
I'm in awe.

Loved it all.   eck02 headbang tt03
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jonzr
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Have a cup o' joe.


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« Reply #2 on: Dec 01, 2008 at 23:15 »

Great stuff.  Hey New England, finger
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pensodyssey
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« Reply #3 on: Dec 01, 2008 at 23:19 »

You fucking crack me up.

Ed Hochuli and all the funny puns about him having muscles from retards on the computer who dont work out will lose mucho relevancy next year when he's gone.

I've made puns about him having muscles, and I haven't "worked out" since '2001.  Meet me out back of the Oran Juice.  I'm'a run up on you and do a rambo.
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JackSplat
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« Reply #4 on: Dec 01, 2008 at 23:43 »

E-X-C-E-L-L-E-N-T!

~Monty Burns
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msdmnr2002
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« Reply #5 on: Dec 02, 2008 at 21:18 »

Freakin' classic.  One wallet reference away from perfection.
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vinman3
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« Reply #6 on: Dec 03, 2008 at 06:16 »

Great post Y2J! Timmons absolutely scored. It cost me 6 points for my fantasy football team, but I ended up winning anyways, and the Steelers ended up scoring a TD anyways, so it is all good. Bad call though.
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It's a hot night. The mind races. You think about your knife; the only friend who hasn't betrayed you, the only friend who won't be dead by sun up. Sleep tight, mates, in your quilted Chambray nightshirts.
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