For those with kiddies and/or animals...

[Brinker]

lost, lonely, boyishly appealing....

it is done.


Brinker


had to close my office door, as I was laughing out loud on this one.

[Big Virgil]

I'll be sure to spray the dogs food dish with WetJet solution each day.  I'll tell Mrs. BV it is olive oil spray so the food doesn't stick to the dish after it encounters dog slobber.  I'll also load up on sugarless gum.  Who doesn't want their dog to have minty frsh breath?

After fighting the wife and kids, like a samauri warrior I might add, for 5 years, a few years ago I gave in so I didn't have to listen to it.  The rules were that I'm not feeding him, giving him water, picking up poop or anything else.  If he is hungry, tough.  NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY.  I also make them vaccuum about every other day.  When they complain I tell them if they want to goof off " I can let the dog fun free".  I can't wait for the dog to not live at our house any more.  I love other people's dogs.  I can pet them and it's over.  No hassle and it doesn't cost me an extra $200- $450 each time we go out of town or on a vacation.

I have #37 for any whacko animal lovers to come steal him in the middle of the night.

[Brinker]

BV----------secretly loves his dog.

Brinker

[jonzr]

[Scene:  Dining room in the BV homestead, BV sits for dinner.  He checks the device on his arm.  Cool, burned 3 calories coming down the stairs.  Mrs. BV and the kids pass around the pizza but the dear lady, knowing her Vigilant Virgil is watching the scale, prepared a healthy meal of sauteed veggies and a lean pork chop for her mate.  BV grabs a fork and jams in a mouthful.  He leans over his plate, eyebrows raised, mouth agape; food falls out.]

BV:  Whuh *gack* what did you do to that food?

Mrs BV:  Why honey, I just sauteed your food in that special olive oil spray you love.

BV:  My spleen.

[End scene.]

[dare2beme]

[Scene:  Dining room in the BV homestead, BV sits for dinner.  He checks the device on his arm.  Cool, burned 3 calories coming down the stairs.  Mrs. BV and the kids pass around the pizza but the dear lady, knowing her Vigilant Virgil is watching the scale, prepared a healthy meal of sauteed veggies and a lean pork chop for her mate.  BV grabs a fork an jams in a mouthful.  He leans over his plate, eyebrows raised, mouth agape; food falls out.]

BV:  Whuh *gack* what did you do to that food?

Mrs BV:  Why honey, I just sauteed your food in that special olive oil spray you love.

BV:  My spleen.

[End scene.]

I nominate this for Pulitzer Post of the Year.

[Finnegans Wake]

Police investigating the tragic demise of Mr. Virgil uncover the source of the poisoning, and from Mrs. Virgil ascertain that this substance had been used to try to kill the family dog.  Said dog is taken to an animal shelter that uses the Internet for adoption connections.  Not long afterwards, Mopsy is on a flight to his new owners.

And that is how Big Virgil's dog gets sold to Otismalibu as a plaything for the gay dachsund.

[Big Virgil]

I am laughing my ass off reading this. 

It is somewhat satisfying having a dog about 5% of the time.  The rest of the time it is nothing but a pain in the @ss.

Before me and Mrs. BV were married, we bought a house so we could have a dog.  Even got a 2nd dog so doggie #1 could have a friend.  We treated them like our kids, taking them to the pet store, camping, etc.  We had an older house at the time and woudl even leave the sliding glass door open so they could just go in and out.  The family room had sticks and leaves they would drag in. 

We did the dog thing it was great.  We never traveled and never had to board them.  It's done and over, time to move on.  Just say no to pets.

I admit I would not want to be Brinkered by suspect olive oil, so I will wish him to run free, as I tell my kids. 

I'm also up for father of the year!!!!!

[otismalibu]

The rest of the time it is nothing but a pain in the @ss.

Amen. The gay Dachshund is the first and last dog for this family.

[Brinker]

I nominate this for Pulitzer Post of the Year

I second that ....

That was too damn funny.


Brinker

[dare2beme]

I am laughing my ass off reading this. 

It is somewhat satisfying having a dog about 5% of the time.  The rest of the time it is nothing but a pain in the @ss.

Before me and Mrs. BV were married, we bought a house so we could have a dog.  Even got a 2nd dog so doggie #1 could have a friend.  We treated them like our kids, taking them to the pet store, camping, etc.  We had an older house at the time and woudl even leave the sliding glass door open so they could just go in and out.  The family room had sticks and leaves they would drag in. 

We did the dog thing it was great.  We never traveled and never had to board them.  It's done and over, time to move on.  Just say no to pets.

I admit I would not want to be Brinkered by suspect olive oil, so I will wish him to run free, as I tell my kids. 

I'm also up for father of the year!!!!!

I agree with this.  For the first 15 years of our marriage, we had a beagle/shepherd mix that for the first 10-12 years was a joy to have around.  The last 3-5 years she ended up just being a shedding/vomit/piss factory, and our house paid the price.  Boarding her even became a nightmare as the stress of it would make her even sicker.  My daughter's only memory of the dog was in her waning years, so even she now hasn't really been clamoring for a replacement now that the dog had to be put down.  Her fish and hamster suffice just fine.