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Author Topic: 7 Playoff Wishes  (Read 861 times)
Finnegans Wake
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« on: Jan 05, 2010 at 18:53 »

Since our beloved Steelers lost "the silly games" as Mrs. F. so succinctly put it, and find themselves out of the playoffs, here are my sincere wishes this postseason.

Norv Turner and Wade Phillips coach deep into the playoffs.  Two of the hottest teams right now are the Cowboys and the Chargers, and if you like betting on sexy, bet on them.  Unfortunately, the wild card round is about the ceiling for these guys.  It's like, you're a goose, you're flying faster and better than you've ever flown before, and then motherfuck if you don't fucking fly into some plexiglass and snap your fool neck.  So when I say I hope Norv and Wade coach "deep" into the playoffs, the wild card round is about as deep as they deserve.  Who the fuck is named "Norv?"  Who the fuck is named "Wade?"  Fuck you, Douche Lords.  Norv's face is 18 inches of turkey jerky.  Wade looks ready for a Man Teats Battle Royale with Bill Parcells.  These guys have to find some lovely way to shit the bed. 

Ocho embarrasses Revis again.  Man, does Darelle Revis have egg on his face or what?  Or would that be huevos rancheros... uh... face-os?  Please, Br'er Bengal, don't keep putting the rest of the NFL to shame the way you done been doin'. 

Suggs Kemo's Brady.  OK, I hate the Ratties, and frankly, I hope whoever Tom "Glitter Gayboy" Brady's backup up in Chowdahtown is leads the fucking despicable Krafties to a win over the Rats.  But in the process, I hope Terrell Suggs takes out Brady's knee again and ends his career.  I'm sick of him, the chin dimple, the models, the entire dynasty that hasn't done jack shit since we won a couple of Super Bowls.   Oh, and on the way to having his knee scoped, I hope Brady's limo flips, bursts into flames, and children roast marshmallows over his crackling corpse.  Too much?  Good.

Ravens cry and whine.  The Ravens once were an undisciplined squad of goons who terrorized NFL teams with their apocalyptic defense.  Now the Ravens are an undisciplined squad of goons who are past their peak and their only recourse is to whine like fucking pathetic pansies when they lose a game.  Boo hoo.  Boo fucking hoo!  I wanna see Suggs cry.  I wanna see Ray-Ray bawl.  It's all they got now.

Eagles and Cardinals continue their consistency.  No two teams have spelled "consistency" the way the 2009 Eagles and Cardinals have.  These fucking schizos look like Godzilla one game and flippin' Tinkerbelle the next.  That makes me want to vomit.  You fucking pukes can't be bothered to play a full schedule of NFL games, but you want to be taken seriously as Super Bowl contenders?  I hope your manic swings continue:   win one by 30, lose the next by 30.  You screwed up anyone who was moronic enough to bet on your asses.  You can't decide if you're turds in tutus or pinheads in pinstripes.  Fuck you.  Fuck you both!

Colts and Saints play dead.  The Colts and Saints have wisely stopped trying this season.  This fabulous strategy eliminated the Steelers and allowed the shithead Jets into the postseason.  Whatever you want to say about us losing silly games, the Jets got in versus teams that couldn't have cared what the fuck happened on the field of play.  "Hey, Peyton, your Momma's gettin' raped on the 50 yard line!"  Yawn.  And I don't know what's up with the Saints, if they're playing dead or if shit eventually floats, but my sincere hope is that both these teams face their division round rivals and use the old "we're gonna save our players for next week" stratagem, and then have a nice loud "D'OH!!!" moment after they lose.

Jets get open door to SB.  The Jets are one pathetic bunch of cocksuckers to make the playoffs.  I fully expect Mark Sanchez to throw a dozen interceptions this postseason, and for Rex Ryan to admit that the Jets cannot make it to the Super Bowl before they even play the wild card game.  Fuck it, I hope the worst abomination of an AFC team, the suckiest concatenation of talent to squeak they ass in under the wire, makes it ALL THE WAY to the big game for the express purpose of showing that if you let dick dribble into the game, then dick dribble may represent your conference in the Super Bowl, you fucking lazy ass queens.  I mean you, Colts and Bengals.  Fuck you both till you bleed.





Tarvaris Jackson, Super Bowl MVP.  So, Jets versus Vikings in the big match, Brett Farverie goes out after the first snap due to some osteo-snapped bone, Tarvaris Jackson leaps in, takes the reins, and leads the Viqueens to their first Lombardi, with a brilliant show of quarterbacking skills:  6 of 17 for 134 and 1 TD, plus 56 yards rushing.  Because Ben, you know, is just a game manager.

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LambertsFrontTeeth
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« Reply #1 on: Jan 06, 2010 at 08:39 »


Suggs Kemo's Brady.  OK, I hate the Ratties, and frankly, I hope whoever Tom "Glitter Gayboy" Brady's backup up in Chowdahtown is leads the fucking despicable Krafties to a win over the Rats.  But in the process, I hope Terrell Suggs takes out Brady's knee again and ends his career.  I'm sick of him, the chin dimple, the models, the entire dynasty that hasn't done jack shit since we won a couple of Super Bowls.   Oh, and on the way to having his knee scoped, I hope Brady's limo flips, bursts into flames, and children roast marshmallows over his crackling corpse.  Too much?  Good.


Jumping up and down whilst clapping and laughing excitedly like a 6 year old girl at a Jonas Brothers Concert.

Please, please, please!
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"Dreith said I hit Sipe too hard. I hit him as hard as I could. Brian has a chance to go out of bounds and he decides not to. He knows I'm going to hit him. And I do. History."
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Preacherman0
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« Reply #2 on: Jan 08, 2010 at 07:39 »

Classic!

That post should be bronzed, and reposted every time the Steelers are not in the postseason.  Just change a few of the names and we're there.
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msdmnr2002
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« Reply #3 on: Jan 08, 2010 at 21:12 »

As always, rooting for a Cowboys first round exit.  But particularly this year.  Sports guy in Charlotte opens his show every day with the # of days since Dallas last won a playoff game.  I believe today was #4759, meaning if they figure out a way to blow it against the Eagles, sometime next September they will hit the 5000 day mark.  Put that one on Jerry Jones's HOF plaque (you know he's getting in, either by vote or by purchase).

I do think all things considered, rather see the Saints in over the Vikes.  At least they lost a real game before they packed it in for the regular season.  Colts, not so much.  Problem is I don't like a single friggin AFC team making it this year.  None.  Probably would be sweet to watch the Jets bunghole the Colts after they let them into the playoffs in the first place.
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LambertsFrontTeeth
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« Reply #4 on: Jan 08, 2010 at 21:54 »

Yeah, I'm hoping that Jets win at Cincy and then at Indy on questionable calls.  That'd be karma.
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"Dreith said I hit Sipe too hard. I hit him as hard as I could. Brian has a chance to go out of bounds and he decides not to. He knows I'm going to hit him. And I do. History."
- - - Jack Lambert, after referee Ben Dreith ejected him from a game for knocking out Browns QB Brian Sipe.
jonzr
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« Reply #5 on: Jan 09, 2010 at 09:44 »

Quote from: msdmnr2002
Probably would be sweet to watch the Jets bunghole the Colts after they let them into the playoffs in the first place.
Yeah, I'm hoping that Jets win at Cincy and then at Indy on questionable calls.  That'd be karma.

As much as I'd dislike seeing that fatass Ryan get any credit for the Jests, I'd quite enjoy seeing the Bungles and Colts get bounced by the team they let in.  It could happen against the Bungles but with the Colts, it seems like they just mess around till the 4th quarter then Manning throws for as many TDs as necessary to win.  So, we'll see.

I'd still like to see the Saints have some success.  And looky there, the mighty Fav-ruh made it through the regular season to the surprise of many (or at least, me).

And, Fuck the Cowboys and their ridiculous Death Star.
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