Indianapolis Colts (6-6) at Tennessee Titans (5-7)
Line: Colts by 3. Total: 44.5.
All New Maffematical Predictor Says: Titans by 7.
Finny Says: Jeff Fisher is to NFL teams what Finnegans Wake is to FFL teams. Manning’s had some frustrating games, but has to rebound sometime. This game is pretty much the last stand for both teams, with the loser going to 1-3 in the division and still needing Jacksonville to stumble. Colts 27-21.
Colts won 30-28. Should have been 30-21, but woo-hoo, Titans got a late and meaningless TD.
Cleveland Browns (5-7) at Buffalo Bills (2-10)
Line: Bills by 1. Total: 39.
All New Maffematical Predictor Says: Bills by 7.
Finny Says: Browns were smart to get Peyton Hillis in the off-season. He’s about to wreck the Bills. Delhomme should do some dumbassery to let Fitzpatrick and the Bills mount a comeback, but the Browns win 20-17.
Bills win 13-6. I did call for Delhomme dumbassery, but 12-20 for 86 yards and a pick was even worse than I expected. Delhomme is just awful. This team is competitive with McCoy under center though.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (7-5) at Washington Redskins (5-7)
Line: Buccaneers by 2. Total: 41.
All New Maffematical Predictor Says: Bucs by 3.
Finny Says: Redskins are crap, but it’s tempting to take the home dog after the Bucs lost a crucial divisional matchup to the Falcons. Losing CB Talib and C Faine won’t help the Bucs, either. But of last 5 games, Redskins only win was over spiraling Titans, and this team looks like it has basically quit. Bucs 20-16.
Bucs win 17-16. Not a win ATS, but a win of analysis IMO.
Atlanta Falcons (10-2) at Carolina Panthers (1-11)
Line: Falcons by 7.5. Total: 42.5.
All New Maffematical Predictor Says: Falcons by 10.
Finny Says: The last 4 meetings in this series have been won by the home team. Expect that to change this week as Fox prepares his resume. There are plenty of interesting potential upset picks this week, but I can’t see a Panthers team that couldn’t beat Seattle doing that with the Falcons. Falcons 31-10.
Falcons win 31-10. Ding-ding-ding!
Oakland Raiders (6-6) at Jacksonville Jaguars (7-5)
Line: Jaguars by 4. Total: 42.5.
All New Maffematical Predictor Says: Raiders by 3.
Finny Says: After a few bumps courtesy of the Steelers and Dolphins, Raiders showing some spark again, going into San Diego and thumping a Chargers team that needed a win to stay in the AFCW race. I keep expecting Del Rio’s boys to start to fold. Expect lots of running, and lots of pressure on the QBs: sacks, fumbles, picks, sloppiness. Raiders 26-20.
Jags win 38-31. 'Bout the right margin, again I get burned picking against the Jags. I hate those douche lords.
Green Bay Packers (8-4) at Detroit Lions (2-10)
Line: Packers by 6.5. Total: 46.
All New Maffematical Predictor Says: Packers by 3.
Finny Says: Rodgers is 5-0 versus the Lions. Earlier matchup in Green Bay was close (2 points), but Green Bay is clicking now and the Lions are down to Dougie Stanton at QB. Watch for James Starks to run wild, and I’ll put the over/under on Rodgers TD throws at 3.5. Packers 34-16.
This game fucked me over in FF. Fuck it.
New York Giants (8-4) at Minnesota Vikings (5-7)
Line: Giants by 3. Total: 43.
All New Maffematical Predictor Says: Giants by 6.
Finny Says: Vikings are 3-2 over their last five, but the wins are over the Bills, Redskins, and Cardinals. Meanwhile, the G-Men get back Hakeem Nicks and Steve Smith this week, and will likely face Tarvaris Jackson at QB. Giants 27-13.
You have a football venue in Minne-fucking-SOTA, and the roof is some fucking marshmallow fluff? I understand 15" of snow isn't all that uncommon up that way...
Cincinnati Bengals (2-10) at Pittsburgh Steelers (9-3)
Line: Steelers by 8.5. Total: 39.5.
All New Maffematical Predictor Says: Steelers by 16.
Finny Says: Let me say what everyone’s thinking: the line is too high, and the Steelers won’t put the Bengals away, letting them get dangerously close before pulling out a close win that never should have been that close. We all know the formula. For this week, I’m going to propose an alternate universe Steelers game scenario. The Steelers score early and often, but Palmer and the Bengals are right there with them, not wanting to wait until late in the game to mount a comeback. After all, this is their Super Bowl, their reason for the season. But as the snow continues to fall and the end of the Marvin Lewis Era becomes evident, the Steelers D clamps down with a ferocity that goes beyond just making the right plays: the defense begins to obliterate the Bengals. Meanwhile, Bruce Arians shows an uncharacteristic ability not to turtle, but to put the pedal to the metal, basically digging the heart out of every Bengals player and fan, using a rusty grapefruit spoon. Steelers lead 17-13 at the half, go on to win 42-13 in a winter wonderland.
Steelers win 23-7; the Maffematical predictor, FTW! Had this been snow instead of rain, and had the Steelers offense not been so inept against this soggy defense, I still say we could have put 42 on these dolts. [/color]
St. Louis Rams (6-6) at New Orleans Saints (9-3)
Line: Saints by 9.5. Total: 47.
All New Maffematical Predictor Says: Saints by 12.
Finny Says: Saints are winning, but they’re not winning powerfully. Meanwhile, Rams are beating the spread with regularity, which makes 9.5 especially inviting. Rams are getting to QBs, and will pressure Brees, making this a closer call than most expect. Saints 27-23.
Saints win 31-13. Thought the line was inviting, but it was only inviting danger. Saints are the better team and showed it, getting the powerful win they needed. Rams were just out of their league, which should be the case as well if they make the playoffs.
Seattle Seahawks (6-6) at San Francisco 49ers (4-8)
Line: 49ers by 5.5. Total: 41.5.
All New Maffematical Predictor Says: 49ers by 11.
Finny Says: Two wildly inconsistent teams in the turgid miasma that is the NFCW. Go with the home team over the team that’s getting worser fasterer. 49ers 20-17.
49ers won 40-21. I thought the 49ers would eke a win in a battle of offensive ineptitude. Actually, they blew out the Hags in a battle of defensive ineptitude.
Miami Dolphins (6-6) at New York Jets (9-3)
Line: Jets by 5.5. Total: 39.5.
All New Maffematical Predictor Says: Jets by 8.
Finny Says: Could be a good spot for the Fins if the Jets are deflated after that anal raping by the Patriots. I just don’t see it. Jets have better talent, and will want to show that. Last three meetings definitely suggest betting the over in this one, and I’ll go with Jets to cover. Jets 31-24.
Fins win 10-6. Missed the straight up win, the over, and pretty much anything to do with the dynamic and psychology of this game. Jets are messed up puppies right now.
Denver Broncos (3-9) at Arizona Cardinals (3-9)
Line: Broncos by 4.5. Total: 42.5.
All New Maffematical Predictor Says: Broncos by 4.
Finny Says: This game is a crime against the sacred sport of football. Not quite the profanity of the Goodell Mafia or anything, but ineptitude is never easy to watch. Cards have dropped 7 straight and are down to QB Skelton. Broncos are in disarray, but not quite that bad. Uglier than Rosie O’Donnell having sex. Broncos 20-10.
Cards win 43-13. But I was right about the "uglier than Rosie..." part.
Kansas City Chiefs (8-4) at San Diego Chargers (6-6)
Line: Chargers by 6.5. Total: 46.5.
All New Maffematical Predictor Says: Chargers by 10.
Finny Says: Brodie Croyle faces a Chargers team that was embarrassed last week, and desperately needs a win to survive. Predictable results ensue. Chargers 34-17.
Chargers won 31-0. Predictable that they would win, and probably top 30 points, but very surprised there was no KC run game at all.
New England Patriots (10-2) at Chicago Bears (9-3)
Line: Patriots by 3. Total: 39.
All New Maffematical Predictor Says: Patriots by 1.
Finny Says: You know what? Fuck the Patriots. Patriots win despite my noble sentiments, 34-17.
Pats won 36-7, but it wasn't even that close. This would have been a good call if the Bears had gotten one more TD.
Philadelphia Eagles (8-4) at Dallas Cowboys (4-8)
Line: Eagles by 3.5. Total: 50.5.
All New Maffematical Predictor Says: Eagles by 8.
Finny Says: With Dez Bryant all busted up, look for the Cowboys to lean on RB Taster’s Choice, as the Eagles run-stop unit isn’t all that solid. Eagles overcome sloppy play with some glitzy passing late to pull this out, 31-28.
Eagles won 30-27. I'd say that's pretty damned good predictorating.
Baltimore Ravens (8-4) at Houston Texans (5-7)
Line: Ravens by 3. Total: 46.
All New Maffematical Predictor Says: Ravens by 8.
Finny Says: Ravens followed each of their previous two losses this season with 37 points on offense. Expect the grape birds to be in a pissy mood. Ravens 34-20.