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Author Topic: Random notes, mostly NFL  (Read 1293 times)
Finnegans Wake
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« Reply #10 on: Jan 19, 2011 at 15:14 »

Tom Brady has accused the Jets of cheating.  The defense they fielded was completely different from the ones they used in the practices the Patriots taped...

In some measure of consolation to Patriots fans, Bill Belichick is getting closer to trading down in the 2011 draft so that he has accumulated every pick from every team in the 2015 draft. 

And let the whining begin.  The Boston media are beginning their whiny rationalizations for how Ye Greatest Team Ever could possibly fail (yet again).  Now the story is that Brady's foot is broken.  These dick-dribblers need to take a look at Exhibit A, one Ben Roethlisberger.  He's had broken feet, fingers, nose, you fucking name it.  And do you know what he does?  He keeps winning.  And do you know what he doesn't do?  Fucking whine about it. 

Speaking of Thee Dynasty, since Spygate in 2007, the Patriots have appeared in 5 postseason games, 3 of which were losses.  They beat the Jags, in a game that saw "mysterious" A/V issues between the coaching staff for the Jaguars and their players with the green dots.  Beat the Chargers to advance to the Super Bowl and then... OH!  A tragic scuttling of the "perfect" season by the Giants.  2008, missed the playoffs.  2009, WC loss to the Ravens.  2010, Divisional Round loss to the Jets.  Brady's the smartest kid in class when he has the exam answer key before the test.

In other news around the league, Al Davis explained the firing of Tom Cable in a press conference.  He also announced the firing of the bloody splops all over his head.  The medical term for these bloody splops is "bloody splops."  Apparently, bandages cannot adhere to the bloody splops, and therefore Al cannot trust them.  If Al can't trust something, it's gone. 

If you ever feel like riffing on Animal House, ask your friends What am I?, and then spit out a giant hank of cherry Jell-O.  One of Al Davis's bloody splops!

The Finny home was able to watch, and survive, the Ravens game.  A replacement DVR/receiver arrived in our doorstep on Friday, and fresh out of the box it was a dud.  So I brought down the shitty non-DVR receiver from the bedroom and we could at least see, if not pause or rewind or record, the game.  Fine.  Sunday, DirecTV sends out some guy named Sam.  Sam was not his name.  Sam is the name guys who come here from some Arab country use so that rubes in Central PA don't think they're "terryists."  Sam is utterly freaked out by my dog, so there's a chance he was at Abu Ghraib.  Sam's there on a Sunday, and he has no interest in football.  Not that there's anything wrong with it, but my guess is Sam's here on the George W. Bush Iraqi Resettlement plan.  Keeps service calls affordable: you can either work Sundays during the playoffs installing DVRs, or you can have your ass shot apart in your newly stabilized homeland.  You're welcome!

Chidi Ahanotu, DE with 6 teams but most notably the Super Bowl winner Bucs, has to give up his SB ring as part of a divorce settlement.  Not to his wife, but to pay off attorney fees.  The name "Chidi Ahanotu" sounds like some sort of quaint Polynesian phrase meaning "gentle breeze," but I guess what it literally translates to is:  I fucking frittered away my millions of NFL dollars already, too.  Can you believe it?

The non-hatin' between Rex Ryan and Mike Tomlin took an odd twist today as Tomlin expounded on his previous comments from the Tuesday presser.  "Yeah, I like Rex.  Like him a lot.  In fact, like to fuck him right in that fat ass.  Now let's you just drop them pants... I bet you can squeal like a pig, Rexy!  Weeeeeeeeee!  I'll even let you sniff my foot afterwards..."

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« Reply #11 on: Jan 19, 2011 at 16:07 »

Greatness yet again. 
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« Reply #12 on: Jan 20, 2011 at 08:42 »

Treeness yet again. 

Fixed your post.
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« Reply #13 on: Jan 20, 2011 at 09:03 »

I'm way late in replying to the OP, but I wanted to second the slam on Don Banks. Banks might be the worst prominent sports writer working today. In my opinion, too, that's saying something, because a lot of sports writers are utterly forgettable and totally ignorant.

But Banks, man. He takes the top prize for shittitude week-in, week-out. One day I might compile examples of his most irritating tics, which include the most awful cliches, hyping anyone who did well yesterday, and deriding anyone who failed yesterday with some annoying, smirky pronouncement. In fact, I think he just rotates one of these tics each sentence.
« Last Edit: Jan 20, 2011 at 09:11 by Manimal » Logged
Finnegans Wake
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« Reply #14 on: Jan 27, 2011 at 18:01 »

The Bengals are the gift that keeps on giving.  First, they keep Marvin Lewis.  Hallelujah!  We can look forward to many years of the Bengals drafting top 10, mostly guys on the Diff'rent Strokes life track.  You know, guys who fall and crack their head open, or who pursue parallel careers as crackheads.  Then you have Ochocinco decide it was damned well time to change his name back to Chad Johnson.  This may be because he's now engaged, and trying to be a more serious person.  Of course, when you have four kids named Jicyra, Chad Johnson II, Chade and Cha'iel, maybe you really don't give a flying fuck about having a more serious name.  Now we have Carson Palmer begging for a release, threatening to retire if he doesn't go to another team.  That would actually suck, because his arm has turned to powder.

In sad news, Ed Reed's brother Brian (the talking dog) was recovered from the river he jumped into trying to get away from police on a stolen car rap.  It would be utterly tasteless to make fun of him for being a dumbass and jumping into a freezing cold river in the middle of winter, when the alternative is having your rich brother hire you a lawyer and, you know, living and all.  So I ain't about to do that.  But seriously, that was your best plan?

All the social media in the NFL reached its China Syndrome moment when Jay Cutler didn't go back into the NFCC.  And you know, it's terribly unfair of people to criticize Jay without having the facts -- he has a "strained" MCL -- but lemme ax you sumpin: if Big Ben motherfucking Roethlisberger had an MCL "strain," what are the odds he would have just gone in anyway?  He'd have to have a leg hanging by a string to sit it out.  And even then there's a good chance he'd get the trainers to just tape him up.  Have we all been too mean to lil' Puss 'n' Boots?  Aww, you poor thing.  Caleb Hanie outplayed your ass anyway.

So if Jeff Fisher is out in Tennessee, is Cowher back in play?  Stay tuned...  Of course, he doesn't want another Kordell, does he?

Also in the recently fired coaches department: Jim Zorn, who got to be Danny Snyder's whipping boy for a couple of years, went to the Baltimore Ravens to tutor young Joe "Duhyo" Flacco.  Perfect fit, right?  Zorn was QB of the Seahawks when Steve Lambert was setting records.  Well, apparently, Flacco's development was not where Harbaugh and Cam "Cam" Cameron wanted it to be.  The Steelers tend to have that effect on QBs in our division.

 
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« Reply #15 on: Jan 27, 2011 at 18:25 »

Quote
Now we have Carson Palmer begging for a release, threatening to retire if he doesn't go to another team.  That would actually suck, because his arm has turned to powder.


Anticipate Bengals calling his bluff, not preparing at all for the possibility, and Carson retires day before camp opens.  Bengals scamper to QB trash heap.

Vince YOung a Bengal?  He is an "elite QB" after all. Just ask him, he'll tell you.  Has the right Bengal off field mentality.
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« Reply #16 on: Jan 28, 2011 at 11:34 »

It's amazing that Fisher lasted as long as he did.  Six winning seasons out of 17?  Wow.
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