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Author Topic: 2012 - Finny's week 4 rankings and week 5 picks... Special Steelers writeup  (Read 1271 times)
Finnegans Wake
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« on: Oct 03, 2012 at 14:05 »

1.   Houston (4-0, 1).  Should have no trouble shutting down the Jets defense.  Next two contests, though, get interesting, as the Texans take on the Packers and the Ravens in consecutive home games.
2.   San Francisco (3-1, 4).  A week after being upset by the Vikings, the Niners show they are still a crushing team.
3.   Atlanta (4-0, 1).  Should have lost to a fired-up Panthers team.  
4.   Baltimore (3-1, 3).  If Greg Little could actually catch the football, the Ravens could have allowed the game against the Browns to slip away.  Baltimore’s vaunted defense made Brandon Weeden look like anything but a rookie QB.  Guess the offense really will have to carry the day.
5.   Arizona (4-0, 5).  Had to come back from a 13-0 halftime deficit to win against the Dolphins in OT.  Three of four wins have come at home.  Still, hard to argue with those wins over Patriots and Eagles.
6.   New England (2-2, 7).  In a nutshell, New England is a team that can fall behind 21-7 to the Bills and still wind up winning 52-28.  Brandon Bolden adds a nice punch to the running game alongside Stevan Ridley.
7.   Green Bay (2-2, 8 ).  What the fuck is up with the referees and the Packers this year?
8.   Chicago (3-1, 9).  If the offense can stay as consistently good as they were against the Cowboys, the defense will do the rest.  Bears and Pack could go to the wire this year.
9.   New York Giants (2-2, 6).  Still think the Giants are better than they’ve shown in losses, but secondary concerns are starting to loom large.  When healthy, the Giants should be the best team in a crowded NFCE.
10.   Denver (2-2, 12).  Did what Steelers should have done:  took care of a shitty Raiders team.
11.   Philadelphia (3-1, 14).  This team is guaranteed to drive everyone crazy this year.  Eagles fans, fans of teams that play them, bettors, analysts.  They can turn the ball over a bazillion times and eke out a one-point win over a crappy Browns team, or turn the ball over a bazillion times and come back against what I consider a superior Ravens team to eke out a 1-point win.  They’re moldy fireworks.  They’re the brilliant mathematics professor who can’t stop giggling as he burns the bagel in his toaster.  They’re the roller coaster car with the wheels shedding bolts.  There’s plenty of talent here, but where’s it all going?  Mike Vick won’t last the season intact, that’s for sure.    I’ll just keep posting the same Eagles analysis week after week until something changes.  Update:  won a big divisional matchup at home against Big Blue.  Steelers matchup will speak volumes about both teams.
12.   Cincinnati (3-1, 18).  Bengals are a competent team, but not elite.  Still, at 3-1 they’re ahead of the 1-2 Steelers.
13.   San Diego (3-1, 19).  Matt Cassell imploded and the Chargers took advantage.  Are they better than the Broncos?
14.   Minnesota (3-1, 20).  Nice road win in Detroit shows how sloppy the Lions are and the methodical way the Vikings keep on winning.  Are they as good as their 3-1 record?  I’m not sure how you ask that when two of the wins are against a firecracker Lions offense and an elite Niners team.
15.   Seattle (2-2, 10).  Instant karma, as rookie QB Russell Wilson throws 3 picks and Seahawks lose at Rams.  Still like their D and running game though.  
16.   Buffalo (2-2, 16).  Where the fuck is the defense?  Seriously.  They’ve got the personnel.
17.   Dallas (2-2, 11).  Same old shit, week after week.  All the talent in the world, blah blah blah.  I’m not sure how many Romo INTs I can pin on Romo.  His receivers are fucking haphazard.  The whole team lacks toughness, and I fault Jason Garrett.  
18.   Detroit (1-3, 13).  Lions have taken a step back and just look sloppy.  Lots to fix, but still have nice offensive firepower.
19.   St. Louis (2-2, 22).  Jeff Fisher has the Rams looking mighty competent.
20.   Pittsburgh (1-2, 21).  See lengthier review, elsewhere.
21.   Washington (2-2, 23).  Tough scrape against the Bucs, but came back and won.  Hosting a good Falcons team that also just barely won, should give us a much better idea of both teams.
22.   NYJ (2-2, 17).  No Revis.  No Holmes.  No chance, Fatboy.
23.   Tampa Bay (1-3, 15).  Scrappy, but need to start winning.
24.   Miami (1-3, 24).  Scrappy, but need to start winning.
25.   Carolina (1-3, 25).  Haven’t quit yet.
26.   Kansas City (1-3, 26).  Last week I wrote not to be surprised if the Chiefs showed improvement as they entered a stretch of games against division foes.  After ugly loss to Chargers, don’t be surprised if the QB controversy isn’t just media hype.  Matt Cassell sucks, but unfortunately so does Brady Quinn.
27.   New Orleans (0-4, 27).  There’s going to come a point when Drew Brees gets up to give an impassioned speech to the team and just says Ahhh, fuck it.
28.   Tennessee (1-3, 29).  Chris Johnson finally woke up.  What’s worse, Jake Locker with a bum shoulder, or Matt Hasselbeck?  Sounds like there should be a punchline to that, but sadly it’s a legitimate question.
29.   Indianapolis (1-3, 28).  The Glistening Gnome Bruce Arians takes over the HC duties as Chuck Pagano enters treatment for leukemia.  Best wishes to Pagano and his family.  
30.   Cleveland (0-4, 32).  I’ve moved the Browns up for again bringing some fight to a superior team.  Could have won against both Eagles and Ravens.  Find… a… receiver.
31.   Jacksonville (1-3, 30).  Blaine fucking Gabbert is such a pile of suck that I wouldn’t be surprised if the Jags go back to the drawing board in the 2013 draft and pick a QB again.
32.   Oakland (1-3, 31.)  All you need to know is that the Raiders are the worst team in the league.  And they beat us.


Lengthier Review of the Steelers.  Here.[/u]

The good:  Ben.  The bad: everything else.  The ugly: that loss to the Raiders.

Tomlin’s got a paunch, and the whole team looks lazy, fat, and in preseason mode.  The defense looks like a shell of its former self, and, fucking surprise!, the offense isn’t clicking yet.  Oh, and special teams are a fucking delight, as ever.  

Offense.  Ben’s humming along with a 109 passer rating, second best this season behind Matt Ryan’s 112.  But that apparently isn’t going to be fucking good enough, what with the shitty run blocking, shitty running, fucking drops and fucking turnovers.  Mike Wallace didn’t fucking look in synch with the offense, fucking surprise there, and even though he’s 20th in the league in yards per game and Antonio Brown is 17th, I’m still fucking pissed over the holdout.  Brown shat the bed with two fumbles, one significant, against the Raiders.  Speaking of fumbles, it looks like Jon Dwyer, who actually was being underutilized while Isaac Redman was struggling, will now be demoted to not dressing on gameday because of his fucking fumble.

You could see the Raiders going after the ball every single play.  It’s almost like they coach it or something.  It’s so fucking unfair.  Where’s Roger Goodell on this issue?  In the meantime, maybe coach Tomlin can stop stuffing his fucking face full of ice cream and start coaching ball security.  I know, it’s not exactly the basics, but apparently we’re going to need to know this going forward.  Go fucking figure!

Isaac Redman may have been playing hurt, or maybe he’s just not a feature back, but he looks slow as a bag of turds.  The OL hasn’t helped though.  Incrementally better though they may be against the pass rush (9 sacks allowed, on pace for only 48 sacks this year!  Hallefuckinglujah!), the rush blocking has opened up lanes that a fucking bulimic couldn’t wiggle through.  Good luck with that fucking shit when you get back, Mendy.  The fucking geeks over at Football Outsiders, who don’t use raw yardage as their measuring stick but use some fucking complicated-ass recipe for figuring shit out, rank our run blocking 29th in the fucking league, but hey, at least they’re 25th in fucking pass blocking!  Let’s fucking throw a party for that!

Steelers Depot grades out the OL each week, so run over there and read the grades.  I don’t fucking remember them.  Max is Max, “False Start” Willie hasn’t been able to get his fat ass moving, Pouncey’s fine, Foster’s OK, Gilbert’s weak shit.  The backups are what they are.  

The receivers have actually been looking pretty good, fumblitis aside.  Even fucking Sanders is getting back into the game, and for fuck’s sake afuckinglive, Haley’s actually using Heath.  But the running game is just a fucking nightmare, with Redman getting a fucking 2.3 YPC.  Hell, Dwyer’s only getting fucking 2.9 YPC.  Dead fucking last in the league at 2.6 YPC as a team.  Brilliant.  Chris Rainey was supposed to be this jack of all fucking trades player and so far he’s done jack fucking shit.  Ooooh, color me excited, Chris fucking Rainey is on the field.  Baron Batch has been pretty fucking acceptable, especially as a blocker.  

Defense.  It’s pretty fucking bad when the teams you lost to – the Broncos and the fucking RAIDERS, for fuck’s sake – are quoted in a state of disbelief about how fucking predictable our defense is, how it just runs the same fucking shit, how fucking prepared they were for us, how we’re fucking running on autopilot.  The fucking zombie apocalypse is upon us and it’s called the Steelers defense.  What the MOTHERFUCK?  You’re the fucking Steelers defense, act like it.

The Football Outsiders geeks have this piece of shit unit ranked 29th overall (31st against the pass, 20th against the rush), but I don’t need their fancy fucking computer shit to tell me what my own eyes can see:  we couldn’t stop a three-legged kitten from getting out of a paper fucking bag.  We have one fucking interception.  One.  You know who has fewer?  The fucking Raiders and the fucking Lions, that’s fucking who.  The fucking Bears have 11.  Oh, yeah, so fucking sue me, they played 4 games, not 3.  Fuck you!  What the fuck is one fucking interception?

I’ll tell you what that is.  It’s a fucking indictment.  Our corners have been pretty mediocre, and our safety play is pisspoor, and there’s no fucking pressure on opposing QBs.  None.  Fucking NONE.  Yeah, Clark’s spleen, Polamalu’s calf, yeah, yeah, yeah.  I’ve been saying we need to draft some quality safety depth for years, and have we fucking done it?  Fuck no!  So we get Ryan Mundy.  Fuck Ryan Mundy.  Cortez Allen looked like fucking Superman in the preseason but has been toast on a regular basis.  Lewis and Taylor, I dunno, they’re not shutting guys down.  Manning audibles a play that’s a short pass to Demaryius fucking Thomas, the same fucking guy who fucking burned us in the playoffs (you’d think we’d be on our fucking guard against him this time afuckinground), and Polamalu takes a shitty angle and Ike stands there like a fucking dick who’s just been fucking Tasered, for motherfuck’s sake.  Fuck that whole secondary.

Timmons, who the fuck is Timmons?  I could put on the 94 jersey and show up late to the fucking tea party too.  12 fucking tackles on the season, fucking pinch me.  That’ll come to 64 tackles by the end of the season.  What a monster!  Larry Foote is calling the plays, maybe he’s got shit in his fucking mouth and no one knows their assignments.  When Larry Foote’s your best player on defense, you’re fucking fucked.  You know what Chris Carter and Jason Worilds have done in place of James Harrison?  Come on, guess!  Fucking nothing.  I might as well be Helen fucking Keller, because I’m never gonna hear their names mentioned sacking the fucking quarterback.  Woodley came into the season fat, slow, and invisible, as usual.  He’s made a few plays.  He’ll get his requisite sack every game or two and collect his fat paycheck.  Yay.

The DL is really doing nothing at all.  Remember how Ziggy Hood could jump out of a fucking well with a Mack truck strapped to his dick back in the preseason?  The amazingly reshaped Zigster has done exactly jack and fucking shit this season.  Seriously, nothing.  4 tackles.  I could go in there and get four fucking tackles, you worthless fuck.  We heard about how Steve McClendon will really open some eyes this year.  Great.  So when we gonna see him?  He got what, 5 snaps against the Raiders?  Brilliant.  Because Casey isn’t exactly asserting himself like the Casey of old.  As far as I can tell, Casey’s assignment is to line up at the 0 and stand there looking like a fat fucking pile of shit whose helmet’s too small.  Keisel’s another guy who doesn’t look like the Keisel of old, unless you mean he can grow a beard.  Yay for Keisel’s beard.  In Keisel’s defense, the replacement refs screwed him on that encroachment call, you can’t have two players suddenly shift, that’s an illegal shift, motherfuckers.  Rule 7 Section 5, Article 8.  Look it the fuck up.

But at least we have second-year guy Cam Heyward, who has shown some nice fucking progression in camp and is penciled in as a starter in 2024.  In sum fucking total, our DL and LBs provide as much force in the pass rush as a fucking bucketful of jellyfish thrown up against the side of a barn.  

We’re allowing 4.3 YPC rushing, which is amazing.  Fucking amazing.  Our adjust yards per attempted passing is 10th worst.  We don’t pass the eyeball test.  We can’t stop anyone.  We can’t even hold a fucking lead against the Raiders.

Special teams.  We don’t give a shit about FG kickers.  We just don’t.  Suisham is a perfect 5 for 5, including 2 over 40.  Drew Butler is not an embarrassment.  Every time we punt or kick off I stop breathing.  Our coverage has been about half suck, half non-suck.  Woo.

Coaching.  What the fuck.  Are we unleashing hell already?  Everything looks tired and lame and recycled.  No adjustments, no urgency, no spark.  The offense is best when Ben ditches the playbook and just chucks it.  The defense is best when it is on the bench, seriously, fucking Dawn of the Dead.  Special teams should just be renamed mediocre teams.  We’re prancing around like we won the Super Bowl last year.  Things are not transitioning well.
« Last Edit: Oct 03, 2012 at 14:16 by Finnegans Wake » Logged

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« Reply #1 on: Oct 04, 2012 at 13:10 »

The defense is fucking fucked.  They're fucking old and those who aren't just ain't that fucking good.  We saw it last fucking year and nothing has fucking changed, so what did we fucking expect?  A fucking miracle?

Fuck.
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Finnegans Wake
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« Reply #2 on: Oct 04, 2012 at 15:27 »

Cardinals (-1) at Rams (39).

Darnell Dockett’s hammy won’t keep him out of this game, so I don’t expect Sam Bradford to do what Ryan Tannehill was able to do last week.  In fact, Bradford’s line is a mess, so Dockett and Calais Campbell should have some fun.  Of course, the Cardinals had issues with the Dolphins pass rush, allowing Kevin Kolb to be sacked 7 times, with Cameron Wake account for 4.5.  (To put that into perspective, the Steelers have 5 sacks on the season.)  Chris Long and Robert Quinn could have a productive day, but the Cardinals should be able to get some running room against this Rams D that allows 4.6 YPC.

It’s going to be tougher sledding for Steven Jackson, with the Cards only allowing 3.8 YPC, but the Rams have rookie PK Greg Zuerlein banging FGs from 60 yards out, so this game shapes up to be a slugfest:  sloppy passing games, lots of pass rushing and sacks, ground game controlling the pace.  You know Kolb is going to find Fitzgerald and Andre Roberts eventually, though.  On balance, the Cards are the better team, but you wonder how long they can keep the magic going.  Here’s another game where my brain says one thing (Cards) and my gut another (Rams).  Last week the gut was correct.  So I’ll take the Rams to keep plunking FGs and pull a last-minute victory, Rams 23, Cards 20.


Falcons (-3) at Redskins (50.5).


Some similarities to last week’s game against the Panthers:  can the Falcons contain RG3 when they had a difficult time with Cam Newton?  Will the Falcons overlook a lesser foe, especially on the road in an out-of-division contest?  Will the Falcons allow Alfred Morris to rack up yardage at almost 5 YPC allowed?

Falcons have all the advantage if they can get the passing game going.  The Redskins secondary is not good, and neither is their run D.  So, big Falcons blowout?  Or will the Skins control the pace with Morris and RG3 knocking out short, high completion passes?  How about both?  Falcons stake a big lead, but Redskins stay patient and whittle away at it with a chance to win at the end, but I like the Ryan to White and Jones combo too much here.  Falcons 34, Redskins 27.


Eagles (+3) at Steelers (44).


Speaking of following your gut, usually my gut is correct and I tend to overthink, so go gut.  Oh, except when it comes to the Steelers, then you have to reverse it.  The less worried I am (fucking Raiders), the more worried I should be, and vice versa.  And let me tell you, my gut is in knots, and I’m worried we’re about to go to 1-3.

So I’m not going to over-analyze this matchup.  The Steelers have problems, and the return of Polamalu, Harrison, and Mendenhall doesn’t necessarily mean everything is magically fucking fixed.  They may have a slight psych edge after the Eagles ground out a tough divisional win over the Giants and now go on the road, but Eagles-Steelers games tend to be ugly, with plenty of pressure on Ben.  I’m going to stop thinking about this because right now it’s making me want to vomit.  I’ll post a score, but I’m just throwing out random numbers.  Steelers 22, Eagles 16.


Packers (-7) at Colts (47.5).


Packers playing with a chip on their shoulder after two screwball games from the refs.  Rodgers will be without Jennings again, and the Colts get back Freeney, but it’s hard to see how they’ll stop the Packers here.  Meanwhile, Matthews and Raji will harass the shit out of poor Andrew Luck.  The Glistening Gnome takes the reins, so that’s the final piece of the puzzle.  Packers 34, Colts 10.


Browns (+8.5) at Giants (44).


What should be a mismatch has a big upset potential for the Browns.  Giants, at home, off a close loss to the Eagles?  You’d expect them to stomp the Browns.  But the Giants have a list of injuries on both sides of the ball, especially along the OL and in the secondary.  And at WR.  Eli is likely with Nicks and Barden, and the Browns have played superior talent (Eagles, Ravens) very close.  If Weeden could get it going against the Ravens secondary, I expect he can duplicate that here.  Of course, Greg Little will drop everything thrown his way, and the rest of the Browns receivers are also shit.  Still, 8.5 is way, way too much.  Upset alert.  Giants 31, Browns 28.


Dolphins (+3.5) at Bengals (45).


Going against the grain this week.  A lot of pundits see this as a week of big blowouts, but I think there will be some surprisingly close games, this being one.  Bengals are 3-1 and while they are a perfectly competent team, they are hardly a dominant team.  Dolphins, meanwhile, have endured the installation of a new coach, a rookie QB, and various bullshit from the GM (getting rid of Brandon Marshall and Vontae Davis), and while they are 1-3 their defense is underrated.  The Fins have injuries to their secondary, but they’ve got guys in their front 7 who can and will get after the QB.  So while all the talk is about AJ Green, don’t forget about Cameron Wake, Randy Starks, and Jared Odrick.  They’ll be after the ginger all day, and the Fins sport the top rush defense, so don’t expect the Bengals to get much done there.

If the Fins can get after Dalton, it will probably be even worse for Ryan Tannehill.  The Bengals have notched 16 sacks (again – the Steelers have 5), primarily from DL Geno Atkins and Michael Johnson.  Tannehill had a good day against the Cardinals secondary, but both QBs may be running all day.  The Bengals are not particularly stout against the run, and that means a steady dose of Reggie Bush, Lamar Miller, and Daniel Thomas.  And it’s not just the Fins’ secondary that’s banged up.  Any time Terrance Newman is on the field, that’s good news for opposing offenses.  I like the Fins to win this one outright, coming into town and smacking the Bengals in the gob.  A few nice downfield plays from Dalton isn’t enough.  Dolphins 24, Bengals 20.


Ravens (-6) at Chiefs (46.5).


Whispers that Romeo Crennel may consider benching Matt Cassell after his implosion against the Chargers are getting louder, but this game might not be the mismatch everyone thinks.  Again, the week of blowouts may turn into the week of close shaves.  Baltimore is on the road and may be caught looking ahead to tilts against the Cowboys and Texans, but this “bad” Chiefs team could cause the Ravens problems.  Last week, Brandon Weeden was able to move the ball through the air, and Matt Cassell has better receivers in Bowe, McCluster, Baldwin, and TEs Moeaki and Boss.  The Ravens haven’t been the same defense without Suggs terrorizing QBs, and Jamaal Charles has the speed to get some nice runs in, too.

The Ravens offense is getting a lot of credit, but remember that Tamba Hali and Justin Houston will be getting after Fucco and pressuring from the edge.  Ray Rice should have a big day, if Cam Cameron remembers to use him.  Ravens outlast another bottom-feeder team, but not in a blowout.  Ravens 28, Chiefs 24.


Seahawks (+3) at Panthers (43.5).


Offense versus defense, kids.  Panthers have the offense, Seahawks have the defense.  Sure, the Seahawks will flatten the Panthers in the running game, but they have the same problem the Browns have:  a rookie QB who has no WRs worth a shit.  Meanwhile, the Panthers are pissed about losing a divisional game against a very good Falcons team that was in their grasp.  Are the Falcons flat after that, or fired up? 

Russel Wilson may struggle again unless his receivers up their game, but I think the real story will be Cam Newton.  This just feels like a breakout for him, putting him back on the map after a disappointing start for the Panthers.  Panthers 24, Seahawks 17.


Bears (-4.5) at Jaguars (41).


OK, this one has blowout written all over it and no, I’m not going to go against the grain.  Bears D will load up to stop MJD because Blaine fucking Gabbert is the suck.  Bears O unloads on bad teams, and Cutler can pout a little less.  I just don’t see much to like about Jacksonville in this game, or ever.  They’re really scrambling for the first pick of the draft.  No more ink necessary.  Bears 34, Jaguars 13.


Titans (+5.5) at Vikings (44).


With scrambling QB Jake Locker out, old man Hasselbeck gets the call.  He’ll be without Kenny Britt, and the Vikings will load up against Chris Johnson.  Expect Jared Allen to have a nice day.  The Titans are another horseshit team like division rival Tennessee, and their defense isn’t what it was a few years ago.  Christian Ponder continues to play well, with a 98 passer rating, completing 68% of his passes, with no picks.  He’s clicking with TE Kyle Rudolph, but is getting the ball to Percy Harvin and Devin Aromashodu and Michael Jenkins. 

Even on the road, I think the team that handled the Lions and Niners this year can take care of the Tits.  AP’s recovery from that knee injury seems miraculous.  He should have a big day, too.  Vikings 27, Titans 13.


Broncos (+6.5) at Patriots (51.5)


Brady versus Manning, that’s all the fuck we’re gonna hear this week.  Patriots scored 45 second half points against the Bills, but the eye-opener was the two-pronged rush attack of Ridley and Bolden.  You expect the aerial attack, but suddenly their offense is much more diverse.  Bills’ D has been MIA, but the Broncos will be better against the run.  They still need to corral Gronkowski, who hurt them badly in the playoffs, but with Dont’a Hightower nursing a hammy, Willis McGahee may be able to slow the pace a bit and give Manning time to hit his receivers.  Manning ain’t no Tebow, but he’s a’ight. 

Bigger spread than I expected, as this should be another classic back-and-forth between… well, you fucking know who.  Patriots 31, Broncos 28.


Bills (+10) at Niners (44.5).


Ten points is mighty tempting, but hard to figure a Bills team with a ghost defense and a banged-up OL getting it done on a trip to the Niners.  Niners will clamp down on the run, and Ryan Fitzpatrick will need to minimize his stupid turnovers and get the passing game on track.  Consider me dubious.  Meanwhile, teams are running the fuck all over these Bills, which looks like a recipe for a big day for the Niners.  Not going against the grain on this one, either.  Niners 27, Bills 16.


Chargers (+3.5) at Saints (54).


Saints are due.  They’ve got no defense, they’re shaken by the Bountygate suspensions, but the still have a fuckload of weapons on offense.  As you know, I don’t think the Chargers are for real, and I think this is the game where the Saints finally taste victory.  Saints 38, Chargers 31.


Texans (-8) at Jets (41.5).


Last week, the Niners destroyed the Jets.  This week, the Texans destroy them.  No Holmes, no Revis, no chance.  Sanchez sucks balls, and the Texans will kick the whole Tebow controversy into high gear.  Should be fun to watch.  Texans 34,  Jets 10.
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« Reply #3 on: Oct 04, 2012 at 17:24 »

Finny channeling PittPA.  Shit's gettin' real.


Lengthier Review of the Steelers.  Here.[/u]

The good:  Ben.  The bad: everything else.  The ugly: that loss to the Raiders.

Tomlin’s got a paunch, and the whole team looks lazy, fat, and in preseason mode.  The defense looks like a shell of its former self, and, fucking surprise!, the offense isn’t clicking yet.  Oh, and special teams are a fucking delight, as ever. 

Offense.  Ben’s humming along with a 109 passer rating, second best this season behind Matt Ryan’s 112.  But that apparently isn’t going to be fucking good enough, what with the shitty run blocking, shitty running, fucking drops and fucking turnovers.  Mike Wallace didn’t fucking look in synch with the offense, fucking surprise there, and even though he’s 20th in the league in yards per game and Antonio Brown is 17th, I’m still fucking pissed over the holdout.  Brown shat the bed with two fumbles, one significant, against the Raiders.  Speaking of fumbles, it looks like Jon Dwyer, who actually was being underutilized while Isaac Redman was struggling, will now be demoted to not dressing on gameday because of his fucking fumble.

You could see the Raiders going after the ball every single play.  It’s almost like they coach it or something.  It’s so fucking unfair.  Where’s Roger Goodell on this issue?  In the meantime, maybe coach Tomlin can stop stuffing his fucking face full of ice cream and start coaching ball security.  I know, it’s not exactly the basics, but apparently we’re going to need to know this going forward.  Go fucking figure!

Isaac Redman may have been playing hurt, or maybe he’s just not a feature back, but he looks slow as a bag of turds.  The OL hasn’t helped though.  Incrementally better though they may be against the pass rush (9 sacks allowed, on pace for only 48 sacks this year!  Hallefuckinglujah!), the rush blocking has opened up lanes that a fucking bulimic couldn’t wiggle through.  Good luck with that fucking shit when you get back, Mendy.  The fucking geeks over at Football Outsiders, who don’t use raw yardage as their measuring stick but use some fucking complicated-ass recipe for figuring shit out, rank our run blocking 29th in the fucking league, but hey, at least they’re 25th in fucking pass blocking!  Let’s fucking throw a party for that!

Steelers Depot grades out the OL each week, so run over there and read the grades.  I don’t fucking remember them.  Max is Max, “False Start” Willie hasn’t been able to get his fat ass moving, Pouncey’s fine, Foster’s OK, Gilbert’s weak shit.  The backups are what they are. 

The receivers have actually been looking pretty good, fumblitis aside.  Even fucking Sanders is getting back into the game, and for fuck’s sake afuckinglive, Haley’s actually using Heath.  But the running game is just a fucking nightmare, with Redman getting a fucking 2.3 YPC.  Hell, Dwyer’s only getting fucking 2.9 YPC.  Dead fucking last in the league at 2.6 YPC as a team.  Brilliant.  Chris Rainey was supposed to be this jack of all fucking trades player and so far he’s done jack fucking shit.  Ooooh, color me excited, Chris fucking Rainey is on the field.  Baron Batch has been pretty fucking acceptable, especially as a blocker. 

Defense.  It’s pretty fucking bad when the teams you lost to – the Broncos and the fucking RAIDERS, for fuck’s sake – are quoted in a state of disbelief about how fucking predictable our defense is, how it just runs the same fucking shit, how fucking prepared they were for us, how we’re fucking running on autopilot.  The fucking zombie apocalypse is upon us and it’s called the Steelers defense.  What the MOTHERFUCK?  You’re the fucking Steelers defense, act like it.

The Football Outsiders geeks have this piece of shit unit ranked 29th overall (31st against the pass, 20th against the rush), but I don’t need their fancy fucking computer shit to tell me what my own eyes can see:  we couldn’t stop a three-legged kitten from getting out of a paper fucking bag.  We have one fucking interception.  One.  You know who has fewer?  The fucking Raiders and the fucking Lions, that’s fucking who.  The fucking Bears have 11.  Oh, yeah, so fucking sue me, they played 4 games, not 3.  Fuck you!  What the fuck is one fucking interception?

I’ll tell you what that is.  It’s a fucking indictment.  Our corners have been pretty mediocre, and our safety play is pisspoor, and there’s no fucking pressure on opposing QBs.  None.  Fucking NONE.  Yeah, Clark’s spleen, Polamalu’s calf, yeah, yeah, yeah.  I’ve been saying we need to draft some quality safety depth for years, and have we fucking done it?  Fuck no!  So we get Ryan Mundy.  Fuck Ryan Mundy.  Cortez Allen looked like fucking Superman in the preseason but has been toast on a regular basis.  Lewis and Taylor, I dunno, they’re not shutting guys down.  Manning audibles a play that’s a short pass to Demaryius fucking Thomas, the same fucking guy who fucking burned us in the playoffs (you’d think we’d be on our fucking guard against him this time afuckinground), and Polamalu takes a shitty angle and Ike stands there like a fucking dick who’s just been fucking Tasered, for motherfuck’s sake.  Fuck that whole secondary.

Timmons, who the fuck is Timmons?  I could put on the 94 jersey and show up late to the fucking tea party too.  12 fucking tackles on the season, fucking pinch me.  That’ll come to 64 tackles by the end of the season.  What a monster!  Larry Foote is calling the plays, maybe he’s got shit in his fucking mouth and no one knows their assignments.  When Larry Foote’s your best player on defense, you’re fucking fucked.  You know what Chris Carter and Jason Worilds have done in place of James Harrison?  Come on, guess!  Fucking nothing.  I might as well be Helen fucking Keller, because I’m never gonna hear their names mentioned sacking the fucking quarterback.  Woodley came into the season fat, slow, and invisible, as usual.  He’s made a few plays.  He’ll get his requisite sack every game or two and collect his fat paycheck.  Yay.

The DL is really doing nothing at all.  Remember how Ziggy Hood could jump out of a fucking well with a Mack truck strapped to his dick back in the preseason?  The amazingly reshaped Zigster has done exactly jack and fucking shit this season.  Seriously, nothing.  4 tackles.  I could go in there and get four fucking tackles, you worthless fuck.  We heard about how Steve McClendon will really open some eyes this year.  Great.  So when we gonna see him?  He got what, 5 snaps against the Raiders?  Brilliant.  Because Casey isn’t exactly asserting himself like the Casey of old.  As far as I can tell, Casey’s assignment is to line up at the 0 and stand there looking like a fat fucking pile of shit whose helmet’s too small.  Keisel’s another guy who doesn’t look like the Keisel of old, unless you mean he can grow a beard.  Yay for Keisel’s beard.  In Keisel’s defense, the replacement refs screwed him on that encroachment call, you can’t have two players suddenly shift, that’s an illegal shift, motherfuckers.  Rule 7 Section 5, Article 8.  Look it the fuck up.

But at least we have second-year guy Cam Heyward, who has shown some nice fucking progression in camp and is penciled in as a starter in 2024.  In sum fucking total, our DL and LBs provide as much force in the pass rush as a fucking bucketful of jellyfish thrown up against the side of a barn. 

We’re allowing 4.3 YPC rushing, which is amazing.  Fucking amazing.  Our adjust yards per attempted passing is 10th worst.  We don’t pass the eyeball test.  We can’t stop anyone.  We can’t even hold a fucking lead against the Raiders.

Special teams.  We don’t give a shit about FG kickers.  We just don’t.  Suisham is a perfect 5 for 5, including 2 over 40.  Drew Butler is not an embarrassment.  Every time we punt or kick off I stop breathing.  Our coverage has been about half suck, half non-suck.  Woo.

Coaching.  What the fuck.  Are we unleashing hell already?  Everything looks tired and lame and recycled.  No adjustments, no urgency, no spark.  The offense is best when Ben ditches the playbook and just chucks it.  The defense is best when it is on the bench, seriously, fucking Dawn of the Dead.  Special teams should just be renamed mediocre teams.  We’re prancing around like we won the Super Bowl last year.  Things are not transitioning well.


Dude, chillax.  They're just uh...savin' the good shit for the playoffs.
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We suck because our drafts have been THE SUCK.
Finnegans Wake
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« Reply #4 on: Oct 04, 2012 at 18:45 »

Fuckin' A right they're storin' up mojo.  UNLESS THEY'RE FUCKING NOT.  Fuck FUCK.  FAAAAAAACk.
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Out of my mind on Saturday night...
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