Since I can't bring myself to root for any of this year's playoff teams, the postseason becomes about which teams are least distasteful. Obviously, that excludes the Patriots and any team coached by one of the Cocks Harbaugh. If the Cowboys make the playoffs, I will be required to hate them too, based on history and Jerruh. There's still some play as to who gets in on the NFC side and the ultimate AFC seeding, so let's assume this.
Lions continue their fall into the abyss against the Bears, and the Packers continue playing well late in the season to ensure they don't lose the first round bye. That knocks the Vikings out. Winner of Dallas-Washington becomes the 4 seed, and despite RG3 still being gimpy and Romo playing well, I just don't have any faith in the Cowboys to play consistent football late in the season, and the Skins have that kind of exuberant energy to win this thing. That sets the NFC as 1. Atlanta, 2. GB, 3. SF, 4. Washington, 5. Seattle, and 6. Chicago.
Texans upset Pagano's return knowing that a bye is on the line, and get their first win ever in Indy. Indy is the 5 seed regardless. Neither the Ravens nor the Bengals really change seeding based on who wins, so I'll go with the Bengals for the moot point win. AFC then shakes out as 1. Houston, 2. Denver, 3 NE, 4. Baltimore, 5. Indy, and 6. Cincinnati.
6. Bengals at 3. Patriots holds little hope for Marv’s kids. Patriots win 34-17.
5. Colts at 4. Ravens isn’t so much about whether the Ravens are “good” or “the team that they used to be” – they’re not – it’s about a Colts team that’s got a rookie QB going into playoff-tested Baltimore. Luck’s had problems early in lots of games, and that doesn’t work in the postseason. Ravens 27, Colts 21.
So far, so shitty.
3. Patriots at 2. Broncos is yet another classic Manning-Brady rematch. Since the Patriots beat the Broncos 31-21 in New England, the Patriots have gone 8-2 and the Broncos 10-0. You can make the argument either way here, but since this piece is about who I hate less, I’m going to tilt the prediction to favor the Broncos and hope to hell it works. Because if the Patriots beat the Broncos, I think they can beat the Texans again, too, and that means… ugh. Broncos 31, Patriots 28.
4. Ravens at 1. Texans features a 1 seed that’s been a shaky 1-2 over the past three games. No matter. The Ravens are exposed, 21-13.
Of the AFC teams likely to make the championship, I least hate the Texans and Broncos, in that order. But I think the Texans haven’t been playing as well lately, and in 2. Broncos at 1. Texans, I think the Broncos again avenge an earlier loss, turning their 31-25 home loss into a 31-21 road win in the AFCC. Yay for the horsies and the men who look like horsies.
In the NFC, 6. Bears at 3. 49ers, I’d rather Cock Harbaugh lose but the Bears have too many issues to win this one, so 49ers 27, Bears 13.
5. Seahawks at 4. Redskins, the battle of rookie QBs, I have to go with the crazy assed Seahawks defense. In fact, I’d go with them over the Cowboys too, if it shakes out that way. Seahawks 23, Redskins 17.
5. Seahawks at 1. Atlanta finds a Falcons team that’s playing with more ferocity and determination than Falcons squads of previous years, as the Falcons try to get something going in the postseason for once. I don’t much hate either of these teams TBH, but my gut tells me Seattle is a team to watch this postseason, with that swarming D, nasty run game, and icewater running through Wilson’s veins. Upset alert. Seahawks 24, Falcons 23.
3. 49ers at 2. Packers, Cock Harbaugh must lose. That is all. Plus the Packers are getting hot, and I just don’t feel like Kaepernick, among the rookie and 2nd year QBs, is on the level of RG3 or Russel Wilson. Packers 31, 49ers 17.
5. Seahawks at 1. Packers reprises the Fail Mary game, and either of these teams would be fine with me. In fact, of the four teams that seem to have a legit shot at winning the NFC (Packers, Seahawks, 49ers, Falcons), I really only despise Cock Harbaugh’s bitches. Packers started 2-3 and finished 9-1, and as much as Seattle is the explosive team that could be the most dangerous team in the playoffs, I have to go with Green Bay’s playoff experience and homefield advantage. But it would not surprise me if this crazy Seahawks team got to the big dance, not one bit. Packers 27, Seahawks 23.
For the Supper Blow, I think these teams are very evenly matched, but I think the Broncos have been more consistent, if not dominant, and the Packers have only rounded to form very late in season. If I were to pick the two most explosive teams in the playoffs, it would be the Patriots and Seahawks, but I think this year matches two teams that methodically put together their late season runs. Broncos come out on top, though, Broncos 31, Packers 28.